Can't get over fling

[Breakingscience]

I met a guy OLD a few months ago and we had a series of dates.It was quite intense, but I felt we got on really well. He mentioned a relationship. All derailed when I asked what he wanted, he would never answer properly . He gave me mixed signals then in the end asked to be friends. Said he would give me dating advice(!)to help me meet someone. But he would act like more than a friend. I told him I couldn't do it. He kept ringing me at 12am so I blocked him.
Thing is, I feel so depressed and down. I keep looking at his exes and wondering what they have that I don't . I feel so jealous! I havn't been attracted to anyone like that in a long time. It feels like a breal up but we wern't together. I feel like I won't meet anyone like him again. Anyone else find a fling hard to get over ?

Yes, I did. Harder actually, than a couple of my LTRs that had ended amicably. I think it’s so difficult when a relationship (however short, however casual) seemingly has potential but the other party doesn’t play ball. It’s like mourning the future you’re not going to be allowed to have. And it is harder if you’re someone who doesn’t fall for people easily, because then you’re convinced that you will not meet anyone else.

So solidarity. But no advice! Other than to get on with your life as best you can.

Well hopefully you won't meet anyone like him ever again!!

You are mourning the loss of the future you imagined that you and he could have had - the "what if..?"s because, the reality is, that he didn't treat you all that well.

And that's what you have to keep telling yourself.

If you allow yourself to wallow, you will feel bad and then people will start wittering on about nonsense like 'limerance'. But if you just remind yourself that it is your imagination doing this to you, because the reality is that he wasnt all that great, you'll get over it a lot quicker!!

Have you gone back to OLD? Meeting someone new who really appreciates and wants to be with you will make you realise how insignificant he was.

Get over one man by getting under another! Xx

Yep, two short flings last year left me reeling much worse than any LTR.

One was a couple of months of dating which he ended kindly but decisively due to logistics and then the other was two weekends a year apart with two ghostings. The second is the one that keeps creeping back into my head.

As PP says, it's the potential and your projections of a future that you're missing. I'm finding the key is to abruptly cut off any thoughts you may have of what might've been. Just distract yourself every time you start indulging in those thoughts and eventually they will pop up in your mind less often. And keep dating!

I keep looking at his exes and wondering what they have that I don't

Well, they're his exes... So perhaps they had the "gift" of dating him and seeing what he was really like then escaping.

I agree with PP's that it's the promise of what could have been, but you're basing that promise on the good stuff. Look at how he messed you about and focus on that. He'd likely have been a nightmare in a LTR and you wouldn't have known if you were coming or going!!

Hi OP, i just want to add that I'm still not over my year long fling with someone who didn't really care about me. Like you, it seriously hurt, because I don't often meet men that I feel that way about. Not sure what I am writing is helping, but we're not alone it seems!