Let me start off saying, this is about an ex - it just still bothers me for whatever reason.
My ex and I had lots of sex in the beginning, but eventually it became very rare, once we went 5 months without for no reason other than him not fancying it. I have a high sex drive, and this was very difficult for me (appreciate nobody should have sex if they don't want to).
My ex was abusive, which is why I eventually left him after being with him my entire 20s. He didn't like me initiating sex, so he would just decline. Whenever he wanted sex if I did not, he would sulk and be in a mood with me, then not want sex for several weeks after. So I just stopped saying no, as it wasn't worth the bad atmosphere - often I did not want to at all, just did it anyway.
I didn't realise until last week when I told my new (amazing) boyfriend that I didn't want sex, and he reacted so well, and didn't get moody about it at all (he said it's okay, don't want to do anything I'm not comfortable with. I did not say no, I just said "don't know" and he understood.) I cried, realising how wrong it had been in my previous relationship.
I left my ex once before, but we got back together and he moved in with me in the new flat I had moved to. I found out later that whilst we had been doing relationship counselling to try to save our relationship, that he had signed up to sex meet up websites and browsed for local escorts. This was when we were not living together, but from my understanding trying to work on our relationship. I checked his browsing history, and he had not been looking afaik at this whilst we lived together.
Later I also found he was watching a lot of porn - not having sex with me often still. One of the things I found on pornhub was labelled as "young teen masturbating", and it was a girl on her bed, in a girly pyjamas and with lots of soft toys around her and stuff, set as if she was 13 perhaps. She was very clearly over 18, so it wasn't that it was actual illegal porn, but it really disturbed me. When I eventually confronted him about it, he said he couldn't remember and wasn't paying too much attention to what porn he watched on there.
Like I said, this wasn't actual illegal porn, more some form of age play I guess. But it disturbed me to the core (I was molested at 14 by a man in his 50s). We did split up 1,5 years later again for good. I worry I'm being judgemental at a harmless fetish or something, or if my feelings are valid and natural. Is this a normal thing? Am I being judgemental of a kink? I know "teen porn" is very common, I don't like it, but this was depicted as a very young teen, and there is a big difference between someone pretending to be around 13 and someone that is 18 or 19.
Sorry for the long waffle, I just needed to get this off my chest and not sure where else I can.