Been married to DH for just over 6 years, been together 9 years. My eldest is from a previous relationship and we have one child together.
I was a SAHM for a long time due to a combination of MH issues after having our child, and financial reasons. DH has worked different jobs but consistently as long as we have been together has supported us all, including his step child, with no fuss.
However, a couple of years ago I returned to studying and a pattern has emerged that any time I have a success, e.g. a new qualification, DH manages to turn the situation into being all about him. Recently I was offered a well paying job and initially he was supportive, discussing how we could make it work in terms of childcare. But a couple of days later he just turned 180 and said that the childcare was my problem. This sparked off an argument that culminated in him asking for a divorce.
I was absolutely shocked to be honest. It was a total overreaction and came completely out of the blue in terms of our life. We rarely argue, and I thought things were OK. Not perfect maybe but certainly not anywhere near divorce.
Any way, I told him that if he wanted a divorce, he could have one, but that I was making it very clear that it wasn't what I wanted, and if he had said it in some attempt to get me to beg for our marriage, I absolutely would not. I pointed out the pattern of every success I had being dismissed and overshadowed by him, and I said that while I was committed to our marriage and still meant the vows I had taken, I would not stop trying to better my life and in turn his and the kids lives, just because his ego was sore.
He apologised, and I believe he was sincere. He has acknowledged that he jumped off the deep end, and has said that a divorce isn't what he wants.
But now I don't know how I feel. It has just brought to the surface feelings that I had been pushing down for a while now. I am not attracted to him. While I do still love him, and we get on really well and talk a lot, he can be lazy, generally a bit self involved and lacks ambition. He is happy to go to work, come home and sit on the sofa. I think I was prepared to settle, and live a peaceful, undramatic life, bring up the kids in a stable home, look for the positives and just get on with it. But him having such a throwaway attitude has made me think, why? Why put up with this? I want to have fun, I want to do things, socialise, travel. Not waste away, in every night and having nothing to look forward to.
I am sorry this is so long. But has anyone gone through something like this and been able to move forward? Will these feelings go away once things settle down again? I don't want to make any rash decisions but my head is all over the place now.