How do you finally let go?

[gingercattwo]

Ended things today with someone who I love deeply.

I have another thread on here about all the issues.

But tonight I feel so heartbroken, I feel like I'm back at square one with my feelings like the first time it ever ended.

Thoughts of all the good times keep flashing through my mind and I just feel all this love and this longing for this person in my memory....but he doesn't exist. It's like a huge grief. I can't explain it.

How do I move on? How do I stop these feelings and see things for what they are; that we can never be; that he is no good for me.

I'm so scared of being alone and I'm also scared of being intimate with anyone new, it's turning my stomach.

I just want some help on what I can do to straighten this out in my mind. I have a history of depression and anxiety and I don't cope well at all with emotional distress. I'm sorry,

Anyone? I feel terrible.

I’m where you are! I managed 4 months of no contact and then reached out, to discover he’s madly in love with someone else! My heart is broken and I now know, with absolute clarity that we have reached the end of our story! I have never felt this terrible in my entire life! No advice OP, but you’re not alone! Sending

I’m so sorry. I ended something with someone I loved more than anything last year. He was no good for me. You have to take it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. All of a sudden your mindset will change. Exercise really helped me with the anxiety so do a class if you can or go for a run.

Why was this man so damaging to you? It may help to focus on that when you’re feeling particularly low x

idk

all the good memories are white noise, they are just the chatter inbetween scenes

you could

try recalling ten times your ex was awful to you

when you have a mental image of one of those moments, turn the coloured image in your mind into black and white and focus on their character
begin to see that image of their character really clearly
do that with each of the moments

focus on the horrid character traits you can now see

that is them; "warts and all."

do you still like them, "warts and all."?

recall how horrified, used and humiliated you felt at the moments they were being themself.

the rest was white noise to lure you in.

see the black and white moments as the parts of the film of your life where you saw their true character.

imo try this a few times to get it through to yourself maybe as you go sleep

i m e if they try and hook you in again with some white noise it can help you see through their chatter.

Sorry you feel like this OP

I know the feeling but it does get better. I kept going back for 7 years and god knows how many breakups and makeups and the final time I just accepted that it was a process I had to go through to get to the next phase of my life going back is just prolonging and avoiding what you will have to feel to move on. 2 years later life is better than I imagined! Find yourself again, love yourself and build your self esteem and get back out dating when you feel ready at first it felt s**t as they just wasn’t him but I forced myself to understand that he isn’t the only man in the world and it helped massively.

The pain is s**t but you will survive then go out and thrive ;)

Thank you all and I'm so sorry you are all going through the pain right now or have done in the past.

to all x

He was damaging to me because we have a long history but there is now a woman with his young child (he left me for her after we lost a baby)

So we have 20 years of history and share a deep grief. They had a 2 year on/off relationship out of which came his beautiful DS.

I felt so happy to have him back in my life and happy that he finally had this child. However she is causing drama and problems no end for him. I also don't trust him and fear they may be seeing each other even though he says they are not.

All we had in the end was a FWB arrangement and it was breaking my heart that the man I once shared a home with and was engaged to and was step dad to my older children...all of this...was reduced to a quick leg over every now and then.

It was eating away at me. I know it's for the best. But it still hurts like hell.

I recognise this from the other thread you wrote. He’s having his cake and eating it. He’s treated you dreadfully and you must be in a lot of pain. The man I was seeing had a baby with someone else, but we never lost a child. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please stay away from him. Distance yourself and give yourself time. I promise the pain will get less and less. Let the other man you mention be kind to you. It really is difficult to accept that there are kind men out there, especially when he’s being such a shit. He is toxic and he will destroy you.

Hugs x

@TheMistressQuickly

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words.

It's a terrible feeling isn't it and hugs to you too.

I tried to talk to him last night about the baby and he was quite abrupt. He twists everything I say and it hurts me so much.

Even if he isn't seeing her as he claims the whole set up is just toxic. It's not normal. It's messing with my mental health and it's only myself to blame. That's why I need to stay away now.

Thank you again