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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regret

4 replies

orcalorca · 30/06/2019 17:42

I had a different user and posted on here during my pregnancy about my controlling and abusive partner and despite the fantastic advice to leave him, I stayed.

I now have this perfect little baby and whilst parenting is hard, I wouldn't change a thing about her. Yet I find myself crying most days because I am so scared of this man. He's not physically abusive but if I do the slightest thing wrong he shouts and screams and calls me every nasty name he can think of. I want to leave but it's hard, much harder than when I was pregnant (although I couldn't see that at the time). I am in the process of trying to find out as much as I can about what help I might receive as I am on maternity pay at the moment and going to put a plan in place. Hopefully it doesn't take too long and I'll be able to leave.

I just want to say to anyone going through a pregnancy with an abusive partner, you're stronger than you think and you can leave if that's what you want - although no judgment at all if you don't - I get it.

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, suppose I just feel a bit lonely today and if anyone needs a hand hold I'm here to talk x x

OP posts:
Jog22 · 30/06/2019 17:56

I'm sure others will come with practical advice - just wanted to say good for you for posting as you'll get great support here. No one knows what motherhood will be like until it's upon them. Well done for planning to leave.

This should be a lovely time for you to be enjoying your baby. It's heartbreaking to think of you flinching whenever he's around. What a bastard. Does he show any affection towards his child?

orcalorca · 30/06/2019 18:17

Thank you @Jog22 xxx

Yeah, I mean I do everything for baby but when he comes home from work he seems happy to see her and spends some time making noises at her and stuff. But as soon as she grizzles he hands her back.

I don't like to leave her with him on their own though as he sometimes shouts at me in front of her and so I don't trust his temper but he hasn't given me reason to think he'd ever hurt her or anything. His anger seems exclusively for me, a lot of people take advantage of him and he bends over backwards for them, whereas I ask him for nothing and feel like I'm constantly being punished😔

OP posts:
Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 30/06/2019 18:21

Op your dh is damaging your baby by shouting at you in front of her. There is a lot of evidence that domestic abuse causes long term damage to babies right from in utero. Please get out

orcalorca · 30/06/2019 22:57

@Theworldcouldbemymollusc I know, hate the fact she will be picking up on it and seeing me upset. I'll be going as soon as I can

OP posts:
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