How to cope with the mental conflict between mr wonderful and mr abusive?

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

He's an ex but sometimes I hear a song I associate with him (a band I'd never heard of until him) or just a random memory will pop into my head and I feel really sad that someone I thought amazing was not amazing at all. We had some great times together-holidays I'd never have had if it hadn't been for him and his camper van. We visited some beautiful places the summer before last.

I know thanks to mumsnet that he wasn't normal, wasn't wonderful and was manipulative and subtly abusive. I'm glad I'm out of that relationship.

But how do you make peace I suppose with the great memories that say he was wonderful but the crappy ones that say he wasn't at all?

It doesn't bother me massively, just makes me sad when I hear a song or think of a place. I am due my period so might explain it today 🙄

I have no regrets about the relationship btw. The only thing I'd have done differently was somehow find a way for my then 2 yo not to meet him for quite some time but with no childcare and no way to go on holiday without him then it wasn't possible. I'd do things differently now if I met someone and would turn down things if it meant going included my ds. Although ds had a great time and although he still remembers the guy and his kids, he'll hopefully forget.

life is full of emotions and memories. There's nothing wrong with enjoying good ones and being sad about others. It will temper with time, but there isn't just an antidote for the sad ones.