Childcare arrangements post divorce

[GuaranteedHappiness]

Just after some thoughts on whether I'm being unreasonable....

I'm in the midst of divorcing my husband, we have the decree nisi, we've agreed the finances and sent off the financial consent order for court approval. The house is up for sale, but we're still currently both living there.

We agreed from the beginning that he would have the children alternate weekends with flexibility to swop weekends for holidays / events (I have this in writing in an email from him). We also agreed this would be a minimum, I wouldn't stop him seeing the children and he could see them midweek after school and in the school holidays.

We live close to his parents and friends where he grew up. My parents live 150 miles away and my long term friends live all over the country. I work full time Monday - Friday 9-5 (we both do). I often go away for weekends to see friends and family.

He has now said that he wants to see the children every weekend. He wants them 6pm Fri until 6pm Sat alternate weekends and 6pm Sat until 6pm Sun alternate weekends. I believe this is because he wants to continue his social life at least one night a weekend. He has a girlfriend which he doesn't know I know about.

I said I would think about it over the weekend. But I want to say it doesn't work for me. I'm a single full time working mother who needs support from friends and family. I need my children to spend quality time with friends and family and I don't believe I can do this is 24 hours a week.

Any advice or insights welcome. Where do I stand? What do I do if it's a stand off?

Sorry for the long message.

Hecateh, the abusive ones just use 50/50 to continue to abuse the mother. They obstruct everything they possibly can, in the worst interests of the children, because it's fun to upset mum.

50/50 can only work for the best of the children in the absence of abuse.

@PicsInRed As someone who was forced to shared 50:50 with an abusive narc when my boys were just 3 and 6 (and still 50:50 five years on), I couldn't agree with you more. It's reassuring to know you "get it". He just wanted to continue the abuse through finances, punishing me for leaving him etc and he was allowed to. My kids are now suffering because ex is in a very unstable relationship with a much, much younger girl who wants nothing to do with the children 😢

PS. Re the bizarre feminism argument and 50:50... I became the main and sole breadwinner the day I left my ex. Wonderfully liberating! How can we uphold the rights of women by the threat of punishment of 50:50 shared care by abusers? Narcs don't want the kids, they just want to get back at the braver party!