How can I stop feeling guilty?

[JellyBean31]

I split with exH 4 and a half years ago, we lived in a large detached house and he refused to leave, so I moved out & have been renting a tiny terraced house since.

Our 2 DS were 16 & 18 at the time and they chose to stay with their dad. They know I would have rented somewhere big enough for the 3 of us if they wanted to live with me.

Now, after several court hearings, the house is finally sold & they're moving out next week, as exH has bought somewhere out of the area they will both live with me in a new house.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the prospect and the feelings of guilt that I left my kids has overtaken me.

My rational brain knows I had no choice, I know they love me and don't judge me (if they did they wouldn't want to live with me again) but I can't shake feeling so guilty.

I've known I wasn't feeling right for a few weeks but hadn't pinpointed what it was until yesterday when (after drinking) it all came flooding out... literally!! I cried for about 2 hours straight. And today I feel worse than ever.

Someone please tell me how to get over this.

I don't think you should feel guilty, they weren't small children and your ex was being very difficult.
Sometimes in life you have to do what you can to protect yourself and keep yourself sane.
It sounds like you have had a tough few years, take some time to relax and try not to be too hard on yourself

So they're now 20 and 22? Is there a specific reason they are coming to live with you?

But you didn't leave your kids. You left your ex-H. Your children - who were both old enough to appreciate the situation - presumably understood that things must have been bad to drive you to do that. You don't say why they are coming to you rather than moving with their Dad but is that something they would do if they had any resentment towards you for what you did?

Moondancer73

your ex was being very difficult

On what basis do you work that out? There is nothing to say that he was being difficult. Why should he be forced out of his home?

Taken on your interpretation, this is perhaps why the marriage came to an end. Perhaps the OP was both demanding and controlling.

"You must do this", "You must do that"

Talk about add 2 +2 to get get 5.

I also moved out op. Took my dc from a previous relationship and was supposed to have 50/50 of shared dc. Exh spent years turning dc against me. Guilt engulfed me that I shouldn't have left... Our dc hit 12+14 and went nc.
With their df....
Our relationship is truly amazing. Never imagined we could recover it - over and beyond my dreams op.
Make your new home your new start. Stop looking back and enjoy your dc. However old they are they still need and love you!
Guilt stops now.

@crestar I left an emotionally abusive relationship, I was not the controlling or demanding one.

My sons are living with me as my exH is moving to an area they don't want to live. They are 21 and 22, eldest is on apprentice wages and youngest has just finished uni and plans to move overseas in the next few months. They are not in a financial position to live independently just yet.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

When my ex moved out he chose a tiny flat that the kids couldn't even visit him in comfortably. Now we've swapped round - he bought me out of the house and I've got a tiny flat. The kids have stayed living in the house all the time; like yours. The ex and I are both very satisfied that the kids have not had to move, and have been able to stay in the nice house all this time. So I just can't see what on earth you're guilty about. Someone had to move out; that's how separation works. First they lived with him, now they will be living with you. Sounds great.

I did the same. 2 of my adult kids came back and still live with me, one is with his dad shortly to get his own place and the other is independent. It's worked well.

Your children were old enough in theory to live on their own, Don't feel guilty. You did what was best at the time. They seem well-adjusted young men who think the world of their mother.

You did nothing wrong. Your son's were living in a house with their other parent. This is just 'mothers guilt' men never feel this guilt.