DP and I have been together for 4.5 years. In many ways he is a good man and a good step dad to my DD, however, as the relationship has progressed he is getting worse with compromise.
He works hard, does a working week and then Friday evenings/Saturday until 4pm doing extra work with his dad to earn more money. This is the first example, first it was just the Saturday and then it's become the Friday too. We are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we're not on the breadline either and the Friday evening is unnecessary, but he is a bit of a stresser about money, so although I wasn't that happy, I let it go, because I know he's like that.
Now we have his sport, he goes cycling all Sunday morning and running for two evenings twice per week, he was also cycling on Friday evenings before he started working again with his dad, but would go earlier so we'd have the bulk of the evening. Again, everyone has hobbies, so that's fine. We also go to his family pretty much every Sunday for lunch. He's Spanish and this is pretty normal here, but obviously with all the other time taken up by work/hobbies etc, it doesn't give us time to do anything.
At the moment DD is in the UK with my parents and we have three weeks together. I suggested last night that we go out, he said we don't have money for dinner etc, we do, but again he's getting worse with spending money and just wants to save every penny, so I said ok we can just go for a drink when it gets cooler. He got back yesterday and instigated a grumpy conversation, because he clearly didn't want to go because he's going cycling tomorrow. So we ended up staying at home. This is an example of how he just doesn't want to do anything that he doesn't want to do and I'm really pissed off as I'm pretty much spending the whole time DD is away alone because he won't compromise on anything. He wasn't always like this, he was a really fun person, but is just becoming really boring at times and he just doesn't see that we need to do things together on a regular basis, not occasionally.
When we do things; dinner, trips, days out etc he has a really good time and always says we should do it more but then slips back into his boring ways. We are 39 & 40, we shouldn't be spending every Saturday eve watching TV. I do stuff with DD and go out with friends etc, but I want to do things with him too. I suggested a date night once per month and he said we couldn't afford it! There's no talking to him, because he gets defensive and starts adding to the list of things he doesn't enjoy, which he always enjoyed when I first met him, which now include ice skating, going for a drink, hiking, going for dinner too much, playing board games... Well I don't love going to his parents every week or doing some stuff he likes, but I still do, because that's what a relationship is, compromise! Life is about more than bloody saving money, working and doing sport! All of those things are part of life, but there much more to it than that. I don't really know what to say to him anymore to get it through his head that he's being selfish and he can't be in a relationship and refuse to do things the other person enjoys for no good reason. I'm not trying to force him to do a hobby he hates, just to go out from time to time and have some food and a glass of wine. It's hardly the worst thing in the world?!