Everytime I mention the ow ..

[Fielder7]

I discovered dp txting his work colleague. It was awful and he seemed sorry- proposed , tried to reassure me as best he could.
Its been 3 months now and I usually ask him if hes talked to her at work for reassurance
He always says no, I'll mention the txting randomly like if were in a conversation. Recently this week iv noticed if I mention her, hes got really angry! Hes said I'm sick of you mentioning her, even called me high maintenance!! Is this a bad sign? Could they still be chatting? He always says if I ask I dont know and i dont care in responses to questions iv asked him.about her....I just have a bad feeling as to why ges reacting so angry. Not sure what else to do ...

You sound desperate for reassurance and he sounds like he wants to put it behind you. How on earth do you expect to move past it if you ask him about it so often?! Just ltb-once trust has gone, it’s very difficult to fix.

What was actually going on between them? That will be the decider for advice your given I think.
Regardless of what it was you need to tell him that he doesn't get to decide to be arse when you asking him a question about it! But at the same time, don't continually refer to it

But also I left my husband after many years of marriage because of a 1 week physical affair that continued into an emotional one for a month or so, however I don't leave him st the time, I did it 11 years later! In the intervening 11 years I though of it daily, and brought it up during every argument we ever had.
I did not get over it, at all

I was fortunate that I saw the whole text thread to when they first started txting..as inwas checking ohone without confronting.
Firstly, seemed innocent questions work related or bitching about colleagues but then HE became flirty, sexual. Txting dirty. Sometimes Shed respond, sometimes she wouldn't really engage although admitted liking him. It went on for month and a half til I confronted. They never did anything physical... he then changed his seating position at work n said didn't talk to her again but how do I trust that is the case? Hence why I ask him daily or randomly bring her up as I think I'm entitled to know why he was after her when he bad mouthed her alot too, saying things like shes ugly etc

He's broke your trust.

3 months after is no time. It can take on average anywhere between 2 -5 years of couples counseling, his total understanding of the damage he's caused, being totally open and transparent with everything, including his phone, social media, etc. Understanding the need to reassure you, and this will take as long as it takes.

Think about this carefully op. Is he worth it? Like the man you can't live without? Because if he's not 100% everything you want, I really wouldn't bother.

And sometimes the trust will never return.

If you chose to stay with him, you can't just put it in his face every day. If you choose to stay with him, you are choosing to trust him so work on putting it behind you.

If you can't trust him or move past this, leave.

You're being unfair on him and on yourself.

Eh? She's not being unfair at all? He's basically cheated and he has a huge amount of repairing to do. Why should she trust him because he tell's her to? He has to prove it and it takes time.

I understand that but bringing it up every single day is just hurting them both.
Personally I would've just left the dick but if she chooses to stay then how is mentioning it on a daily basis helping her?

Was posting this on 3 boards really necessary??

Personally, I think he sounds awful. But to be asking him about her, daily, three months on, is far too much. What good does it do you? He could be lying anyway. How long do you plan on doing this?

Make a decision to move on from it or not.

He's the one that said he's sorry, wants to work on it and proposed. So he's asked to keep the relationship and for whatever reason she's accepted.

So he's the one that needs to fix it, and that includes reassurance, transparency, honesty, etc.

Personally I'd walk away, but she hasn't, So🤷🏻‍♀️

Hence why I ask him daily or randomly bring her up as I think I'm entitled to know why he was after her when he bad mouthed her alot too, saying things like shes ugly etc

But you're not getting answers to this three months on, are you? So what's the point?

You can't forgive him & then bring it up constantly every day. If you want to make it work then you have to draw a line in the sand & move on. If you can't then you'll have to end it, because its not doing either of you any good dragging it up all the time.

I really wouldn’t stay with someone like that, it’s such a bad sign.

I understand why he is getting irritated.

If you've made a decision to continue and rebuild the relationship then there needs to be a talk at the time and then it's done and both parties move on and the cheater has to earn the trust back. It might be that you could explore some of the issues in counselling together in a neutral space if that would help. No relationship can be repaired if one side is always bringing the past up on a daily basis. Let's be honest, no answer he could give to any of your daily questions would suffice. People don't often know why they find someone attractive and as for why he would bad mouth her, that's obvious, to try to deflect from any flirting or liking her. As for randomly bringing her up, what does that achieve? Nothing.

If you can't forgive him and move on repairing the relationship, which is understandable, then you need to call it a day and split up.

Oh so you have posted this on more than one board? Why? To get sympathy from people who haven't read your many many MANY other posts?

This relationship will never end and you will continue to let this man abuse you and your DD's.

Enjoy the move to Saudi.

Again....?

If you are as relentless with the questioning as you’ve been with the number of times you’ve posted about it, on here in recent weeks, I can understand his reaction

Please leave this relationship. If only to save the rest of us from continually reading about it with your umpteen threads.