Only younger men seem interested, what the heck?

[Waytooearly]

I'm 48 and divorced. I recently ended a post-divorce relationship with a man 16 years my junior, having decided that he was just too young for me. I know that there are loads of age-gap relationships that work out fine but I couldn't shake the feeling that we were at different life stages. Plus he was very hot and cold, flakey... Anyway it's over.

So I'm ready to date again and the only men who seem interested in me are the younger guys. Like 35 and under. Like young enough that I'm taken aback when they ask me out. I'm thinking, 'What? I thought we had a big sister/little brother vibe here, why are you asking me out?' Most recently a guy from yoga class and a guy I met through work (not a co-worker).

I'm not particularly interested in younger guys (in fact my ex is older). I do have friends across different age groups so there's a big pool. But it happens so often I think it must be a vibe I'm giving out unconsciously.

I'm looking to share my life with someone BTW, not have flings.

I've tried some friendly overtures with interesting guys in my own age bracket but that always falls flat for some reason.

The very sweet guy I met through work just texted me again to say let's get coffee and I'm kind of tempted but... Ugh, no I just had the whole heartbreak of the flakey younger guy and I want to try someone my own age.

Any advice?

I know what you mean OP. I wanted to date a man my own age or a BIT older but none treated me well enough or none were genuinely interested in a committed relationship with ME.

In the last 6 years or so, the only real relationships I've had have been with a man a decade younger. I was 44 and he was 34. Age is not what split us up. Now I'm dating somebody five years younger and it seems to be working well.

I am not interested in being the older woman that a younger man feels he knows he doesn't ''have to'' commit to! I want the same respect a man would give a woman in his age bracket!

ps, clearly I have no advice! But i do sympathise!

No advice but this feels a bit like asking for advice because you're too rich/beautiful/clever

It can't be that hard to repel the guys you're not interested in surely, I seem to manage it without even trying!

The older guys you want are probably fewer, and maybe also lacking the confidence to approach you. Have you tried OLD?

The only other thing - and this will sound horrible but it certainly happens - is if you give off the vibe that you're looking for something casual? At work there's a horrible little group of single men in their 30s who talk about looking for older, grateful women for casual sex. I apologise if this isn't your situation at all, but their horrible faces popped into my head when I read your post, please do ignore if not relevant.

Nice to know I'm not the only one, thanks for sharing.

I think men in their thirties who aren't ready for kids sometimes think older women appeal because they aren't seeking immediate marriage and kids.. I would steer clear of them as you say, and find someone a little older if you're looking for something longer term.

No hello darkness don't apologise, you've put into words the sort of dark undercurrent of.. do they think I'm desperate or easy or something? I mean it genuinely weirds me out.

Yeah it sounds like 'arf nice problem to have' but it's not. I look my age, I'm not one of those 48-year-olds who look 30. It's weird.

I am repelling the guys I don't want to date. Just can't get a bite from the guys my own age.

I'll try being more proactive. I'll put the word out among my friends that I am looking for a nice man of 45ish.

From the opposite women of my age seem to fall into 3 categories desperate to settle down, get married and have kids. Suddenly single and desperate to relive their youth and party every weekend or seem to good to be true, out of my league. The other side is that a fair chunk of single older men have realised that they can be out with a different 20 something girl every weekend and just arent interested in settling down with someone their own age.

a fair chunk of single older men have realised that they can be out with a different 20 something girl every weekend

Unless these older men have something special to offer the young woman, they really can't. Very few young women are desperate for casual relationships with much older men.

I have been asked out by younger guys. I get the impression they want a 'sugar mummy' - ie me to fund them with cars watches suits etc . Luckily I have a great husband so happily point out I'm taken !

I'm in my mid 30s and had the same issue - interest was from guys much younger who were clearly at a different point in life.
Steer well clear of them as they're likely just wanting to have some fun or just have no intention of settling down anytime soon.

Lol. If they're looking for a 'sugar mummy' the joke's on them. Much more likely that they're not ready for kids/settling down so avoiding women their own age.

I think men in their thirties who aren't ready for kids sometimes think older women appeal because they aren't seeking immediate marriage and kids..

Totally agree with this, I think women wanting a family in their 30’s are the last thing they’d want to meet

How about pretending you are 65. See if that attracts the mid 40 guys (i expect not).

Here's why you can't find men your own age. Because 40 + aren't interested.

This from OKcupid data



Here it is

Looking at it objectively how many responses from appropriate age men do you get? When you say "the only men who seem interested in me..." are you actually saying "the only men who I find attractive who seem interested in me...".

It’s true about the kids thing, but I also reckon that 30yo men today are more open to meeting women from different demographics than 30yo men were twenty or thirty years ago. Age gap relationships are becoming more common and barely noteworthy. Back in the day, it was only the odd celeb (Juliet Mills, Joan Collins) who had relationships with men more than a decade younger than themselves. I think that some of these younger guys won’t have an agenda OP, they simply don’t care that you’re 48 - they fancy you, so they’ve approached you, straightforward as that.

No really, objectively, in the past two weeks I've tried a little bants/friendliness with two separate guys who are I presume my age and it fell flat. One guy at gym, another guy friend of friend. Guys my own age never approach me.

That chart!! 😮😂

@PolytheneSam I realize the graphs are supposed to be funny and a bit of an exagerration but there's a lot of in demand men e.g. Prince Harry, who chose Meghan and she's 3 years older than him. He was ~33 years when he met her and he could have easily had his pick of 20-22 year olds if he wanted it. Also, Nick Jonas who married Priyanka Chopra (10 years older than him).. some men really do seem to have a thing for older women.

in the past two weeks I've tried a little bants/friendliness with two separate guys who are I presume my age and it fell flat

So we have a sample size of...2?

🤔

OK here is how to set up a very rough sample. Create 2 identical profiles, one with your accurate age and one with you 10 years younger. Sort the messages into three areas, "Poss", "no", "cunt".

After 30 days, compare the % of each reply to the profile.

Lol @ the ok Cupid charts, women adjust their expectations as they get older but men still think they can pull a 20-year-old when they're 50
in your dreams grandad 🤣😂
I'm in my fifties and I get the eye little bit from younger men who obviously think I might be grateful enough to be manipulated into casual sex, also from men 20 years older than me
in your dreams grandad🤣😂

Are you stunningly lovely a la Good Girls star or January Jones?

I guess maybe those in their 30s are looking to settle down whereas those in their 40s/50s are either committed or having their 'second youth'/ midlife crisi?

Really no Aqua, I look all right but I look 48. I have no desire to look/act 30.

Yeah could be that the guys my age are too busy having midlife crises to notice me