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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a bit of guidence, Feeling very lost.

2 replies

liasoa · 29/06/2019 16:07

This is a very long story so will try to condence it a bit, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

After 24 years together my Husband started to change, Took me a while to notice at first as it was all very subtle, He stopped showing me any affection, If I said I loved him he would say it back but no longer said it off his own back, Stopped kissing me, stuff like that. After a month or so of this I asked him point blank if he still loved me, He said no, Then he left, just like that.

This happened six months ago, He has been staying with his parents, We kept in contact, We still see each other, in a way its like nothing changed between us apart from we are living apart. He does want to make it work with me, I asked why he left me, He told me he has depression, He had it a while, He hid it from me because he didn't want me to know about it, Said his head is such a mess that he can't concentrate on us, He didn't want to drag me down with him etc. He has no feelings for anything, it was nothing personal against me. He is on medication, he has just finished nhs councelling and is now going to a private councellor for weekly sessions as he felt the nhs councelling did not really help him.

Since he got depression he has admitted he finds it very hard to talk to me (no issues before depression) He doesn't know why he feels this way, So everytime we try to talk things through it ends in me talking and him sitting in silence so we give up. He pushes me away a lot, I started noticing patterns where he would just start pulling away, he wouldn't go online for a week, no contact, He does this with everyone, not just me. Until he is able to talk to me we are in limbo, Am I waiting around for him to hopefully get better then we can see if there is a chance for us to sort our marriage out in the future? Are we together but just living apart until he gets his head together? Are we at the point of no return? I am so lost and can't think straight. Just to clarify, I do not mind waiting for him to get better, but I do need some form of knowing what it is I am waiting around for if that makes sense. I want to give it my all before giving up on my marriage, I just need to know myself that I gave it my best shot but of course there are limits.

I don't want to just give up on him, he is ill, but at some point we need to talk and come to a decision regarding us. I have never been in this situation before, I just feel we both need a little help with communication at the moment, Would join councelling benefit us at all?

OP posts:
BlueMoon1103 · 29/06/2019 17:53

You could try joint counselling or be honest with him and say you need to know what you’re both doing so you know how long to wait for.

Closetbeanmuncher · 29/06/2019 23:29

Do you think he would allow you to sit in on some of his sessions. Not as an active participant but to at least give you an insight into whats happening?

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