How do people do it?

[CookieCheesecake]

Name changed.

Basically.. I’m going through a break up. I was with the guy for a year. It started as a FWB exclusive thing but become much more.

And to be frank I’m pretty upset by it. He ended it Thursday.

I keep crying on and off all day since I found out.

I’m doing all the things you should. Gym, talking to friends. I haven’t really eaten since Thursday as I just feel sick all the time.

I didn’t realise how much I felt for him until this happened.

When we meet we both knew each other had kids (2 each). He’s basically decided after a year that he doesn’t want to be with someone long term that has kids as he would resent having to raise someone else’s kids when he can’t look after his own. He said he probably always thought it would be ok but now it’s not and it’s not something he wants.

I’m pretty upset considering he knew I had kids.

What I want to know is how do people do this over and over again? I see it all the time that people are in relationships for a year or 2/3/4 etc and then the split up. How can anyone go through this kind of heart break over and over ?

I left the father of my kids as we fell out of love so there was no heart break here.

Also any tips to make me feel better ? I’m trying to keep busy. Go to the gym. Iv cried more in a few days then I have in years to be honest as I’m not a crier. Iv told him I hate him and none of it’s made me feel back to Normal.

I just want to feel normal again now and il do anything to get there as quick as possible.

Help :(

For comparison I’m 29. First relationship was 10 years (father of kids) and this relationship a year.

I just never experienced this kind of heart break or ache in my chest before ever.
I’m not an anxious person yet I can’t stop myself crying.

I think you care a bit less each time. :-/

The worst of what you feel will pass.

It’s normally harder I think when you’re on the receiving end of being dumped rather than the dumpee.

Chin up, every day will be a little easier

Iv never been dumped before.

I just want it to be a couple of months time and I’m sure it will feel better.

If only there was a pill for heartbreak. You just have to go through it and know it will ease. Keep busy. Hope your pain starts to ease soon x

Time is your only and best ally.
It’s really tough and devastating.
But it won’t always be. There’s no quick fix. You’ve just gotta let this bereavement move through you.

Time and no contact are the 2 things which will help you most.

Keep reminding yourself that feelings no matter how painful will always lessen over time. I know it's a cliche but you just have to ride the wave of emotions. Writing a diary can help process the emotions quicker. Just thoughts and anything that pops in your head in the morning or at the end of the day.

As to doing it again I don't have any answers for that as I am not wanting to meet anyone after my last break up. :( I think it's to do with attachments and making sure you have a really solid single life. I am building myself back up again so that a break up doesn't devastate me ever again. Maybe someone will come along and explain it better than me.

Thanks everyone.

I went over my friends house for a bbq last night and it wasn’t actually that bad. I never cried all night although I looked like shit. I actually felt a bit normal so I’m going to focus on that.

He did text last night to say he’s feeling depressed, he’s not happy etc and he’s also trying to keep busy he also said night and he hopes I get some sleep last night.

Which I did.

I keep reading over and over again how long will it take to get better on the internet as if that’s going to fix me.

Don't keep channels of communication open with him like that! He dumped you. Give it way way more space and time and distance.

Agree that continued communication doesn't help. My relationship of over 5 years ended 2 weeks ago essentially because he thought the answer to a lack of sex and affection between us was to suggest a break so he could go off and fuck other women. I did technically end it but effectively he did by suggesting that. I've deleted him from social media and we've been NC since then. I was very upset for first 2-3 days, then felt better. Then had a dip again last weekend. Feeling better again atm. I'm sure I will feel down again, but as time passes and I get used to him not being around it gets easier. Cliche I know but keeping busy helps.

@Ullupullu - the lines of communication are only open at the moment as he has lots of stuff of mine in his house. If it was a couple of things then I’d leave it but it’s not the kind of stuff I can just leave behind.

@itsreallyallovernow- it’s just so difficult. Iv woke up early and I can feel myself going to cry so Iv got up, made a cup of tea and put the tv on. Trying to distract myself.

He doesn’t actually have social media. None of it. He never has even when I first met him so I can’t stalk him which is good.

It's just time. It was only a few days ago.

Just keep doing what you are doing, but try and eat. Even if it's only a little.

He may really have thought you having kids woildnt matter, but he has realised it does.

It's better finding out now than in 5 years when you are living together etc.

He has no right texting you that he feels depressed. Theres no reason for him to involve you in how he feels. He has made his decision, it's for the best. You dint want a relationship where the man resents your kids. You dont need him in contact or to know how he feels.

It's just a case of riding it out.

Dont worry about if you can ever face another relationship. You might, you might not for a long time. What you need is time to fully get over thos one. What's happens later, can wait

At least I can laugh about the fact Iv lost weight over the last few days and I still feel sick so I don’t think it’s going to pick up any time in the next few days.

Next time I go out il look even better then I ever have

@ProteinshakesandAntonsbum - I don’t really blame him for his choice.

My kids are amazing and come first every time. So there is no way I could be with someone that resented them.

I suppose it just pisses me off that he waited until the year mark to have a proper think when he always thought it was going to be ok.

Iv arranged a night out for next month when hopefully I feel better and can smile a bit more.

Get your stuff asap. Ask a friend to pick it up.

Dont see him.

I will be.

I just want it to be fully done and dusted so I can focus on feeling better.

It's crap. Everyone says "give it time it gets easier." At which point you assume they can't have felt heart break like you because you can't imagine it ever getting easier. But its true, it does get better with time. (I find you have a 2 month downer but maybe you won't)

Then you'll be ready to date again. And you do it all over again because the hope of finding that perfect someone outrides the fear.

And you'll get wiser in and quicker in judging who is right for you and your family from the start. When you do meet Mr Right, and you will, you'll be so grateful this didn't work out because the loss of this one will be the gain of something much greater.

If you were together a year, on average you can expect to feel back to "normal" in 2-3 months.

Get your shit collected asap and then block him.

Roll on 2-3 months time then that’s all I say.