Hi there
I am in need of advice as I just dont know where to turn anymore. I have 3 children aged 7, 10 and 12. They are my world. I have been with my husband for 14 years. I havnt been happy for years but have stayed for the sake of the children, plus Im terrified of being a single parent and how I would manage.
My husband is extremely unloving and wouldnt even know what the word affection means. He worked very hard to get me but then I guess the novelty wore off! He lives quite a bachelorish life style in my opinion. I used to get upset when he would just go to the pub with everyone and I would be at home with 3 small children struggling but I dont care anymore.
Last year was the worst year of my life. I had to have my precious beloved horse put to sleep. I had had him for 25 years and I absolutely adored him. He was my 'go to' when my husband was being unkind. My whole world fell apart. On the Monday morning my very kind friend contacted the vet to arrange for him to be put to sleep on the Wednesday. My husband was due to take our boat to Cornwall on the Tuesday with a friend and I was supposed to be driving down on the Friday with the children. However, now that I had this terrible situation with my horse I asked him if he would please stay to support me and go down on the Thursday instead. He refused and simply said "The world doesnt just stop for you Lizzie". I was devastated. I would never have done that to him. I would have dropped everything to support him. Or any of my friends. Its not like there were plane seats that had been booked or hotels booked. I feel completely differently about him now - you dont do that to someone that you love. I will never forgive him for doing that. Afterwards I wanted to leave him but my friend told me not to do anything whilst I was so deeply in grief.
But, there is more to this. As the children have got older they have seen how he speaks to me. How he treats me. How he would rather go to the pub and smoke cigars than spend time with us a family. They have all told me that they hate their father. That all he does is shout at them or read his kindle! They wont go away for the night on the boat with him unless I go because he is just horrible to them. Not in a violent way at all. Its almost like he doesnt like his children and they are really really lovely kids. He doesnt enjoy them at all or see them for the wonderful individuals that they are. My middle daughter asks me every day if we can please split up so that she never has to see her father again. Its awful hearing and i just dont know what to do.
The vet bills were enormous and he wouldnt help me at all - he just said "well dont look at me!". Also he is always saying he has no money so in the last 2 years my mum has bought 3 new beds for the children, 2 freezers as both of mine broke, new sofas for the sitting room and curtains. Plus lots of other little things. He just lets her pay for stuff! Then this week he told me is going to buy himself a 87,000 pound Aston Martin! My mum is so upset - she feels completely used! I am so upset. I havnt said anything to him because Im scared of him. Not physically but he is very domineering and intimidating.
I dont know what to do anymore. Every day I wake up thinking how much I hate my life. I miss my horse terribly and cry every day about him. My children are unhappy. But if I leave him he will destroy me. He will hide his money and make my life absolute hell.
I am so incredibly unhappy, frightened, confused. I dont know what my rights are. I feel like a terrified little girl and I just want to do what is right for my children.
I dont eat dinner with him anymore and we havnt shared a bed for about a year now. He seems to think everything is fine. He's got his work which he loves, a lovely house and soon an Aston Martin.
I dont talk to him about how I feel because there is absolutely no point. I dont like him at all anymore. He is a horrible dad and a horrible husband. When he is out in the pub he puts on this nice, funny act and everyone thinks he is great! At home he is very different.
Can anybody help me with any advice at all please?
Sorry for the ramble. I just dont know how much I should write as I have never done this before.