Been with my husband for approx 12 years. We have DC and relationship is currently in a dire state and I don’t know what to do.
We are v up and down with our relationship. For various reasons we’ve had a stressful few years with redundancy and illness. I’ve been the main breadwinner with a stressful senior level job throughout most of our relationship, something I hadn’t sought or wanted but circumstances have dictated as I’d always envisaged I would be more hands on and involved with our children and home. I commute approx 3 hrs in total a day 4 days a week and do a lot (but not all) of the life admin and cleaning etc, DH is a hands on dad, does lots to support the kids and is now working hard to build a business.
My main issue is that I am constantly criticised for having too high expectations for our family, home and children. For example, if we have people over I want to be good hosts, kids to be happy, our house to be clean/look nice etc. Maybe I am unrealistic/too ambitious, I really don’t know anymore. If I ask Dh to ‘help’ with tasks in the evening or at the weekend he always accuses me of telling him what to do, nagging him and being unpleasant. Maybe it’s how I ask, I really don’t know but I feel I can never express dissatisfaction about anything without it being taken as a criticism.
The whole situation is making me question my own sanity or whether i am an awful person, expect too much etc. Should I just shut up and quit asking for help, telling him how under pressure I feel. I can’t stop caring, I am someone who just doesn’t work that way, I definitely suffer from anxiety to some extent but try and manage this myself.
How do I/can I redress this imbalance in my head and try and make a more balanced and harmonious relationship. Any books you can recommend, suggestions to help me work through this be less naggy,
more positive etc much appreciated. I feel desperate. Sorry for my rambling.