Are you a Muslim single woman/lone mother?

[Snowfalling]

Hi all,

I thought I would create this support thread as somewhere for Muslim single women/lone mums to chat.

I'm a lone mother myself, late 30s. Have one ds. I'm currently separating from my husband. I don't have much family nearby, it can be hard being on my own. The evenings especially can get very lonely. I'm still trying to find a new normal for my ds and I.

If anyone else wants to share their experiences, I'd love to hear from you.

How have you found the whole process of coping on your own with dc?

Did you manage to meet anyone new after your divorce? That for me is a minefield. Currently can't imagine meeting someone. But would love to hear some positive stories.

Hi :)
Late 30s too with 1 DD aged 11. How old is DS? Where do you live?
I think I was lucky in having my sisters and mum for support. Do you have family close by?
What's your relationship with your exH like? He has been the biggest headache for me, and the CMS are useless.
I separated in 2010 and divorced in 2011. Had one long relationship since then. But honestly it's so hard juggling full time work, childcare, home stuff etc. that everything else like meeting someone moves lower down the list. And you have to make sure that the person you meet is ok with you having a child and they get on.
Right now I would say your priority is self care, look after your mental and physical health, pamper yourself with a good trip to the salon - sounds cliche but makes the difference :)

Hi Kurri, thanks for responding and sharing your experience.

My ds is also 11, will go into secondary school in September.

Ex was abusive in every way, the relationship is better with him gone as we are able to be civil for the sake of ds.

I grew up up in London, and still live here. I moved to this area after marriage where i had a good relationship with all my in laws. I've lost them all now as they find it too awkward to keep in contact. My own family live about an hours drive away so only see them every few weeks. I do have a few friends in the area and am trying to make more!

I work part time and you're right, self care is important. I lost myself for a long time and am finding my own feet again.

I find relationships so complicated now, and although I'd love to meet someone at some point, it won't be any time soon.

Whereabouts are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Is your ex involved with your dd? I don't know how some men can justify not paying to support their dc. Mine doesn't pay CM and will show he's got zero income if i pursued it, however he does buy ds stuff he needs, takes him out and will give money very rarely for things like buying clothes for special occasions. According to him, I must be raking it in as a single mum!! I won't be pursuing CM as I think he does contribute, although not enough, and I'm wary of antagonising him.

I'm a Muslim revert, my ex was also very abusive in every way, I have 1 ds who is 3.
I love being a single mum it's so much easier than being with my ex, but I really want to meet someone else and have more children as I'm only late 20's. The problem I have is a lot of Muslim men and their families won't accept a white woman with a child.

Hi @DoYouNeedAWee, salams!

Lovely to hear from you. It's awesome that you find being on your own better than being with the ex. It's better to be alone than to be badly accompanied.

It's true what you say about Muslim men and their families finding it hard to accept white women, although it's sad. Have you met any revert men?

Whereabouts are you if you don't mind me asking? What are you looking for in a partner?

I live in West Yorkshire, how long have you been single for now? It's been about 2.5 years for me, ds was 9 months old when I went to the police to leave him.
I'm hoping to meet someone nice for once 😂 been on a few first dates but either I decide they're not for me or they're not into me, also a lot of guys are just looking for fun even on the Muslim dating apps, I wouldn't really be interested in a revert as I'd want my future children to look mixed race similar to my ds.

I know someone ,Father of four grown up children , looking to settle down again . London.

Aged early 40s very young looking religious and successful .

( he was a young dad )

Divorced and deserves happiness.

Yes there are genuinely nice men out there who are looking too !

@DoYouNeedAWee I've been single for nearly 2 years now and I can definitely relate to wanting to meet someone nice for a change!! You're still young and I'm sure you'll meet someone great. It is sometimes hard to keep the faith. Do you have support from family and friends? Are you working currently?

@Twoody1 that's the sort of person I hope to meet. Your friend sounds great.

I have my 3 closet friends and my family who are supportive, but only 1 Muslim friend. I don't work atm because the sad fact is I wouldn't be any better off so I'll wait till ds starts full time school or hopefully by then I'll have met someone and can have another baby, I think 4/5 years would be such a nice age gap.
I don't think you'll have any problems finding someone nice, all the decent guys I've come across seem to be from London.

I'm glad your family and friends are supportive. How did they react to you reverting if you don't mind me asking?

There ARE lots of good men in London, however something always ends up being a deal breaker tbh. I've not got to know anyone yet, however the men whose marriage profiles I've been interested in have specified things like no women with kids, or kids the same sex as their own etc. I've also been told I'm not tall enough etc.

It's a minefield tbh!!

I get what you mean by it not being worth working while your dc is still young, sometimes childcare costs can be crippling. I currently work part time as my son is older and I can fit it in around school.

They thought it was just a phase at first but they've been supportive, I'm not a very strict Muslim so I haven't changed too much apart from not drinking or going to clubs, eating halal and dressing more modestly etc.

For me I personally wouldn't want to date a guy with children, I've read too many horror stories in aibu 😂
but that's shocking they discount you based on the sex of your children! And height!
What sites/apps are you using?

Assalamualaikum how is everyone? I am a revert Alhamdulilah 2 years I have an 8 year old and a 3 month old, I have just left my husband and am finding it difficult, I moved to another country to be with him and am back in London, no money, single mum two kids and I’m so grateful to find this thread.
I was a single mother for 7 years with my eldest - always interested in Islam my eldest is a born Muslim, through teaching him I realised it was my true calling too and took my shahada, I am currently looking for groups to take my baby too to meet new sisters and just women in general.
I am here to talk if anyone ever feels lonely, i know I do and the evenings are the worst for me

Salaam all. So happy to see this thread. I've been alone a while now and also have zero family or support. Get so sick of it at times and yes gets lonely in evenings. Also had an incredibly abusive ex and I felt so sad that culturally the physical abuse wasn't seen as enough of a reason to leave. My life was worth nothing. So sick of spending whole Ramadans with not one person to share iftar with in the whole month. Just feeling fed up right now

Walaikumasalam im so sorry to hear about your abusive ex, It hasn't been long since I left only 1 week in fact but I'm doing okay, I would like to chat to you though would be nice to have some support. People going through the same thing or a similar thing.

Hi all!! welcome to those of recently joined, it's lovely to hear from you.

@DoYouNeedAWee I'm not on any sites or apps, it's just been through personal introductions, I've not even spoken to any of these men just their profiles have had rigid requirements lol. What sites and apps would you recommend?

@Pastbehindyouhmmmm30 do you have a mosque near you where you could meet Muslim women?

@yummytummy I'm so happy you're out of your horrible relationship. It can't have been easy.

So sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I have felt the way you feel in terms of loneliness. Do you have children? Could you attend an Islamic study class as that could be a way to meet people?

I'm on minder and muzmatch, muzmatch is probably slightly better than minder in terms of men looking for something serious but there's decent guys and not so decent guys on both. I didn't really like singlemuslim, the men seemed more desperate somehow and there were a lot of men from different countries and I'm looking for someone local.

@Pastbehindyouhmmmm30 it's always lovely to meet another revert, especially one who truly believes in Islam as I've heard many stories of women reverting for their partners family only to leave Islam once the marriage ends.

@DoYouNeedAWee oh my faith in Allah has probably only got greater since my experience in my marriage and now after leaving. I put my entire faith in Allah to guide me to make the right decision for me and my children and Alhamdulilah here I am. Things will be hard, but I know he doesn't give me anything I cannot Bare and this gets me through.

We only have Allah, I tell me son who is 8 if you have Allah you need nothing else and he believes me! I tell him Allah will never fail you, people will, but he will never, always forgive people as you expect to be forgiven by Allah too. And I 100% believe in this what I tell my son - and will tell me daughter when she is growing up

I do have mosques near me Alhamdulilah so I need to get myself to them really, I have had so much to sort out these past two weeks and still lots more to do but it's on my to do list next week as is finding a madrasah for my son.

@DoYouNeedAWee That's a sad reality nowadays that it is hard to be accepted by Asian Parents.

How is everyone? Hope you're all well.