I saw my mother in the street yesterday, first time in 6 years

[AnthonyCrowley]

We've been NC for six years. Years of emotional abuse, (physical as a child), a lot of nastiness and non stop put downs towards me as an adult. She started on dd and everyone on here told me I had to put dd first and they were right. My brother said the same.....he's also NC with her.

Anyway I was walking down the street with 18yo dd and saw her coming towards us. I panicked and without even saying anything to dd shot across the road and walked on the other side. I thought she wouldn't recognise dd. Dd walked past her and wasn't recognised but then dd started yelling at me about why I'd crossed the road. So she turned round to see what the shouting was about and recognised me.

I grabbed dd and was walking really quickly away and she turned round and followed us. We went round a corner and i was properly speed walking now. Kept looking behind and she was still coming but we lost her a bit further on by diving into a shop.

I feel stupid for legging it from her but no way was I prepared to be confronted by her. I'm not sure whether she would have tried to come across all nice and reasonable and if she had done that there might have been a risk of me crumbling and agreeing to contact. Or possibly she might have wanted to shout a load of abuse at me.

I'm panicking a bit now about what happens if I bump into her again but this time she Corners me? What do I say? We live in the same small city and to be honest I'm amazed I haven't bumped into her before.

What a very sad post . But completely understandable given the history.
You have managed to go for 6 whole years without bumping into her so its not likely you will see her any time soon.
This time you saw her but she didnt see you until the combination of being with DD and DD shouting over to you that meant you were more obvious.
Your Mother is getting older and probably less likely to be out and about that much on the streets. So naturally the chance of crossing paths with her will be slimmer in future. Plus you can obviously outrun her ...

and now dd knows that won't happen again?

If she corners you, you say "excuse me please", push past her and leave. But it's very unlikely to happen.

Thank you. You're right, the chances of me bumping into her again are slim but if it happens I just need to not get into a conversation.

Well done you. The idea of seeing my m again feels me with anxiety and I live the other side of the world.

Maybe practice ‘I do not want to speak to you, leave me alone’ loudly.

Then if it happens repeat as you walk away.

And if the place you were is a common place you go at the same time, avoid it for a bit.

You got this.

Yes, no matter how unlikely it is that you will see her again, if you feel ready with something to say then you can hopefully relax because you will be prepared. (Something short!)

This is sad to read,and very unsettling for you because of all the bad things in the past. I don't know if I am odd, but I think I would have stopped.and communicated with a long ago Mother.I know it's easier said than done though.But it seems that your Mother was trying to see you after all this time.as following you etc.

You did the right thing running. I think people who haven't met the sort of person your mother is would of course be like 'well maybe she has changed and it could hurt to talk' but I think you know that is unfortunately, not the case and you were wise to leg it. Yes people make mistakes, but child abuse is not a mistake, it is a pathological...evilness and it doesn't go away.

I think I would have a sit down with my daughter and explain all the nastiness and why you legged it. Make sure she knows that your mother was foul and may even use her to try and get back in touch with you and so she should be on her guard.

You will probably not bump into her again, but I would avoid that area for a little while if possible. If she does show up, just say 'im not interested' and keep walking. And tell your daughter she could say 'im sorry, you have the wrong person' and keep walking if she bumps into her.

That's sad. If you pass her again, I'd just look at her, saying nothing, don't stop, don't nod, just let her know you've seen her and keep walking.

She knows she has the power to derail you still.

Awful OP. Fair play to ya

Dd knows how bad my mum was/is.

The final straw for me and my brother was my dd to,d me something my mum said about us. I have no doubt that my mum said it, it's the sort of thing she would say and the phrasing and terminology was not something an 11yo would make up.

My brother called her out on it and mum denied it. Said dd was a liar and that there was something mentally wrong with her and we ought to look at getting her put in a psychiatric hospital. Dd knows she said that, my mum wrote a letter repeating it all and dd found the letter.