2 ex friends and hubby still speaking - What would you do?

[Dizzylizzy]

Its a long story but I'll try and cut it short.

I used to be very good friends with someone who lives near me. After a while we both got friendly with someone else and we used to meet at each others houses for coffee. After a while I noticed that they weren't texting me as much or phoning me to go for a coffee and when I suggested something they 'were busy', but they were at each others houses. After a while I'd had enough of being the spare part and stopped asking.

Then, my original friend and I had an argument over something silly, which I think was engineered by this other person, we fell out and it got to the stage where she was shouting at me at school so I had to have her warned by the police.

All this happened nearly a year ago (they have done the same to someone else since) and I am really not bothered and don't miss having them in my lives, the thing that is starting to get to me is that, at the time, even though it all made me very ill, my husband still talks to them (all our children go to the same school). He says that it is our fall out nothing to do with him????????? In the meantime i have to put up with being ignored by ALL their family and their children and getting mucky looks from them.

Also if dh and I take dd1 to school and they are there, they deliberately make a fuss of dh and completely blank me and dd1.

At first it didn't bother me as I don't say who he does and doesn't speak to, but it is starting to bother me now and I don't know what to say.

Any wise mumsnetters got any advice.

Good grief about them shouting at you at school - how horrible. Think men (generalising) just don't understand this falling out thing which women seem to do. Men don't seem to ever fall out with mates, maybe because their friendships aren't quite as intense in teh first place. Therefore, understand it might feel disloyal of him but I suppose he doesn't 'get' it. Tell him how you feel

About the x friends - I wouldn't really bother about them too much as you were fine about the situation before your h got more int the school scene. I think you have to have a proper talk to your h about it because maybe he doesn't realise the extent of your feelings on it. Maybe if you could talk him round it he could 'encourage' some sort of acknowledgement to you when they talk to him next with you there, like '(dizzylizzy) and I did this on the weekend, didn't we?' encouraging you to join in the conversation and forcing the two x friends to acknowledge you. If this is done more often than not, they might not be able to seperate thinking that you are both seperate entities as such (make cense?!) and might drop the 'interest' in your h. Of course, being male, he could be loving the attention of two women and as such cannot understand why you have a problem with that - another topic of converstation. Good luck!

my spelling is atrocious -sorry!

Try to explain to your husband that when he talks to the ex-friends he is falling into a trap. It's designed to exclude you and make you feel small. I think it's a little rude/ insensitive of your husband to continue talking to them.

Perhaps he could just say hello and leave it at that?

DL it is very rude not to acknowledge you even if you are not in the best terms with you. If they don't have the modals of at least saying a "hello" (which I think is the case)< I don't see why he thinks is OK to continue the conversation. I think both Ripley amd Avalon suggestions are very wise, talk to your husband about it.

why do people behave like this so much these days it,s so selfish and inmature kids behave hepas better

they always fall ou and make up again

Chrissey14, don't really know how to take that posting, things happen though and people do fall out.

I can understand dh not wanting to get involved in general falling-outs with friends but if one of them has needed a warning from the police to leave you alone then I think that's a different matter. I would be seriously peeved too.

Agree with coppertop- this argument got serious- your dh's loyalty should be to you. If he has to nod his head to acknowledge them then I may not be quite as pi@@ed off but FFS he SHOULD be loyal to you- no questions. If he's not personally I'd go absolutely ape...

DL, I think you need to explain to your DH that it is a question of loyalty to you. For your DH to stand there talking to a woman who is ignoring you, is a very public humiliation for you and one in which your DH, even if unwittingly, is colluding. It is just not on.

Actually, you do get a say in who he does and doesn't speak to, if who he does and doesn't speak to affects your feelings and your dignity. He wouldn't like it if you kept up a friendly relationship with a man with whom he had had a public falling out with, and who didn't acknowledge him.

I agree with Ripley, if he does talk to these women, then he has to make it crystal clear to them that he does so with the proviso that his wife is included in the conversation.