Cf SIL alert. Just moaning/venting

[lilpumpsmum]

Just lighthearted venting.

Who wants to hear about my CF SIL??

DH comes from a large (7 child) family with very humble beginnings and has, in their view, "made it" in that he is very successful in his career, working overseas and earning bucketloads. He's very generous with his family and spends on other people nearly as quickly as he earns (but that's a whole other thread)

In the past SIL has shown her grabby side by, for example, spending £800 on make up when DH gave her his card to treat herself on (his words) "some perfume or nice make up or something" after she babysat for one night when she was over visiting for a couple of weeks.
Yes, he's a fool for giving over his card like that (again, that's the other thread)

DH uses a concierge service for travelling etc and she knows this and always asks him to book her train tickets, flights, cars (chauffeured, naturally) because she knows the soft touch will always say yes and she'll never have to pay.

DH got an unexpected bonus with work at the end of last year and shared half of it among his siblings - around £12000 each. With this money she has spent most of it on a certain baby clothes designer for her kids. She has decided she's going to set up an Instagram and get them Instagram famous and modelling for said brand....

In order to do this she said she needs a good computer so could she have our iMac that we don't use. This isn't a problem as we really don't use it so the plan was to fedex it to her as we only see them a couple of times a year as she lives overseas. We don't have the original packaging so I've been all over eBay trying to get it and had a couple of hiccups in that one box got lost in the post, one arrived and it wasn't the right size, you get the picture. I also took it to Apple for her to get it wiped clean and updated (software). In fairness, it's been about a month.

Well when DH went to visit her a fortnight ago she moaned that she still hadn't received it. So he (he only just told me this, mind) like a fucking donut gave her money to buy a new bloody iPad to tide her over he also must've told her I've been getting wrong boxes delivered as I've just received a message from her saying
"So it's your fault that the computer hasn't arrived yet"

I said
"No. Blah blah boxes blah blah"

She said
"Since all this time it's still not here"

Dear readers, I'm tempted to wrap it in brown paper and throw it in the nearest postbox. Let her put it together again like a modern day technological humpty fucking dumpty.

I'm glad I've got that all out.
Anyone else have a IL as CF as this !?

Must admit though, pretty sure I also have a spineless, soft touch DH problem

He uses a concierge service though. Come in OP, it would have made more sense (to your outlandish story) to have him take it on the plane. Excess baggage/delicate item/whatever than send it alone.

Your husband's an idiot. If he loses his money he won't have "done the best for his family", especially his close family, because he will put them into poverty in circumstances where that was totally avoidable by some judicious saving and investment. It will be no consolation that that situation was brought about by letting his relatives spunk hundreds of pounds on make-up.

If he got the bonus recently he’ll still have to pay tax on it, so it was a bit silly (IMO) giving half away.

The trouble with CFs is that’s it’s never ending - he’s set up the expectation and they’ll be expecting a share of his bonus each year he gets one. Also if SIL brags about the make-up and Imac then everyone else will want one too and so it goes on and on.

Do you have kids with this man? Surely any 'extra' money should be put aside for them, no? His primary family is now you (and if you have them, your kids with this man). His siblings and parents and other relatives come a distant second.
A savings account or buying something substantial and solid (like property or bonds for example) would be a better use of his money for a rainy day. He doesn't know what might be around the corner for him or you and really shouldn't be pissing away family money (i.e. you and him money) on makeup and perfume for someone who babysits! Jesus!! That's insane.

I 100000% agree with @Isatis

OP are you married to the Magic Giving Tree? I'd be trying to nurture his inner Whomping Willow if I was you.

I agree, his family won’t thank him anyway if he loses the income stream, they’ll drop him like a sack of shit and blame him for failing to help them anymore.

The only thing he should do. if he has so much money sloshing about, is to set up savings / trusts/ Pensions for them or similar so that they are provided for either something that’s sustainable and is ring fenced

His sister needs reining in. If I were you I’d text her back and say, thanks as ever for the gratitude, as you have the iPad, you’re all sorted, so will eBay the pc.

Then have a serious word with your dh. She’s ungrateful and grabby. The concierge service abuse stops now - she had a chance to do something worthwhile with her payout but is still standing with her hands out

Has he seen her grabby rude texts to you?

I'm all for providing for the family but the SIL sounds like a spoiled brat. If she wants a Mac she can buy it with the 12k your DH gave her. If you don't use the make donate it to a local school or children's charity and play innocent "sorry dear SIL I thought the money DH gave you was for the mac aswell".

I don't think you will be able to convince him he is being taken for a mug.
If possible, if you have access to any of this money, I would set up various investments/savings so that if his life goes belly up, knowing his family would likely have no sympathy, but probably miffed as the cash cow can no longer provide; you will have something to fall back on.

Work in medicine and thought you meant CF as in cystic fibrosis and were complaining about it lol

How is his sister a CF? The brother is happy to share his bonus with his siblings and share his wealth with his much (I guess) lower paid siblings.

That is HIS choice.

Is your husband a top premier league footballer with that amount of spare cash to just give away

Your DH has more money than sense...that's the issue really.

Oh, if you and Dh have plenty of money and you're putting aside enough to protect yo in case of a disaster, I don't think it's that big a deal if a lot of it is going to other family members. I'm guessing you also give generous gifts etc to your family?

But your SIL is a CF. And clearly is fully aware that you'd rather she didn't get so much of his cash. deep breathes is my advice. And thank all the deities that she doesn't live locally!

Wow, he is certainly generous. I assume he has rainy day funds set up for you and your children.

My main objection would be the fact you were running around sorting the ipad and you were the recipient of such rude texts.

I would have responded that she is very rude and ungrateful and you won't be doing her anymore favours. And stick to it.

He earned it, he has plenty to spare (after all, he just got to keep £72K of bonus) so that’s his choice. It’s not like he’s given his family his last fiver whilst you’re at the food bank. It’s just a question of scale for the rest of us.

£800 to treat yourself sounds like crazy level CF to most of us. But spending £800 of a man’s money when he gave you £12K?

That’s less than 7%.

If your nana was in the habit of giving you £50 for your birthday, that’s like her saying “get yourself something sweetie” and you buying a £3.50 magazine. Doesn’t sound so crazy then. It’s all relative.

If he got the bonus recently he’ll still have to pay tax on it, so it was a bit silly (IMO) giving half away

If he's an employee then it's taxed before you receive it.

He's the shining light of the family and sees it his duty, because he's financially successful.

Sadly there will always be one relative to take advantage of one's generosity.

If I was loaded, I'd also be generous with my siblings like your DH is.. Being wealthy and seeing my family struggling wouldn't sit well with me, but your SIL seems very extravagant.

If you dilly dally about sending her the Mac, he'll probably send her money to buy a new one. Tbh if he can easily give £12k each as a gift from his bonus... money for a new iPad is like chicken change to him.

I have a friend who like you liked her DHs generosity when they were dating.

I knew him too and he was pretty generous..now their married she doesn't like it and says ppl take advantage of him and he's a fool.

Thing is, she equally liked his generosity ...she just doesn't think he should be so generous with others, since he's married with a family. I know for sure she wouldn't have married him if he wasn't flash with cash.