Partner just told me my own story??

[Fluffballs]

Bit of a weird, not serious thread but I'm feeling a bit odd about this. About a week ago I told my partner a funny story about my brother taking his work colleges contraceptive pill by accident thinking it was a hayfever tablet (that she said he could take)
Tonight my partner turns to me and says "Hey here's a funny story from when I was a kid Tells me the exact same story but says it was one of his mums pills then adds "I was so sick the next day" I just told him it wouldn't make him ill and he huffed and said he must have got ill at the same time. Afterwards he was googling what happens if the man takes the pill.

I know there are bigger things that a partner could lie about but why would you bother making it up? And how did he not realise it was my own story hes telling me. I'm just a bit about the whole thing.
Thanks for listening

DH once told a story back DSis (with the rest of my family present) only a week apart. He actually genuinely believed he had been involved in what had happened. It was too ridiculous for it to have happened twice (they work in the same area but not the same company)
I still don’t know if it was just exhaustion through work -both when he heard AND repeated the story-or if it was some sort of mental blip. I didn’t tackle him over it but DSIS & I have discussed how odd it was. We have been married 20 years and this is the first time so he isn’t a habitual story pincher, just odd.

Maybe at the time he didn’t want to say oh the same happened to me? Hmmm ...

My mum does this to me all the time. Gives me my own advice and news. Suddenly talks about a new interest of hers as if she didn’t hear from me that it was my new interest a few days previously. It gets on my wick a bit.

I can understand him retelling the funny story if he’d forgotten who had told him, but not making out it was his own experience!

It seems I might be in the minority here but I think lying about something trivial is a big deal! If you lie about something pointless what will you do when it comes to something where it's hard to tell the truth?

And unless you do think this did actually happen to him too and he forgot last time, then he is lying because he has doubled down, he hasn't gone oh yes, must have mixed that up.

I'm not saying LTB, but it would be a bit of a red flag for me and one I'd keep an eye on.

My dh remembers everything arseways. I remember everything almost photographically. The worst ones are the ones when he is remembering something we did together and I have to tell him that wasn't me.

One night we were watching a particular DVD and he remembered buying it but mam had gotten it for me. It's great because he can change his whole past to suit himself. Some people think because it is in their head then it must be true and must have happened.

Weird. I also think lying about something trivial is a big deal. Just weird that he would like about that. Red flag definitely.

I had a boyfriend who use to make stories up, I said I wanted go to Amaterdam an he said he’d been twice , told me all about his trips etc. Mentioned infront of his brother an he looked confused said he’d never been? Confronted him an he laughed! He did it with other things and I just found it so weird! He was compulsive!

I know two people that I've caught out doing this. One was a very fake, dramatic person that retold a particular story in virtually the same words I'd used the week before. I didn't call her out on it in front of everyone - just said 'how strange - exactly the same thing happened to me' - she quickly moved onto something else. She was a huge attention seeker and a bit of a queen bee type - she wendied me about half a year later. Everyone with a brain knew she told tall tales eventually but it took a while to catch on.

The other person had a big party and invited all their friends. Someone asked him to repeat one of his stories and the person whose story it actually was realised that it was his story being retold as the party boys story. Party boy was very embarrassed and got teased quite a bit so no longer that good friends with everyone. I did something heroic and they've retold the story to me with them playing the hero. They seem to believe their version - I'm not even present in their version and I was injured by what happened and they've just 'forgot' this? I can't believe anything they say so I would worry if a partner does this.

Not quite the same thing but I used to have a boss - still a friend now - who did this.

He used to smoke and I'd accompany him on his fag break, and we used to talk shop. And then I started to notice he would tell me things I'd told him. Not stories as in the OP's case, but matters of opinion: my assessment of situation X, my take on colleague Y. And he'd also use turns of phrase which were distinctly mine.

Then I realised that ex-boss/friend actually liked and respected me. A great, big deal. And that he has a memory like a sieve. Still does to this day. He's not my boss anymore but still works in the same firm. I still text him the night before if and when I need something important from him the next day. Because he'll forget if I don't. He's notorious in the PA pool for being the one exec you don't want to be assigned to because it's basically a bit like mothering a toddler. Him "plagiarising" me was basically him taking me seriously enough to take my opinion on board but being too forgetful and distracted to remember who he got it from.

In his case it really was a matter of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery.

Having said that it's still weird when it's a personal anecdote.

Probably completely off-piste.... but I spent several years with a controlling weirdo bloke who (apart from being physically and mentally abusive, later on) started with odd things like this. He had a blanket on the back of his car and told colleagues he had a dog. When I asked him why he said it made them pay attention to him, triggered conversations etc. He didn't seem to think that was odd. He also later lied about deaths (told me his father died, and his exGF's mother, both of which were untrue). After a while he became totally abusive, I would say watch out, this isn't normal!

Or he's just really insecure and has no funny stories of his own, and is a bit thick......

So he's a boyfriend?

I wouldn't get stuck with him tbh.

@TakenForSlanted I have a friend like this too-doesn’t recount stories as you said but will explain things or have opinions the same as I’ve said to her weeks back-if that makes sense?! I do find it a bit lacking shelf esteem but see it as her wanting to feel more connected in a way, it’s hard to explain, but to copy a story completely is just a bit strange. Surely he must’ve known you’d already said it and how embarrassing that would be? If he had forgotten, then yeah, it’s a lie..but why? 😬 like someone said, it shows a certain weakness in character..embarrassing as it would be, I wouldn’t be able to help myself saying ‘I just told you that exact story last week?’ Very awkward though..

*Self-esteem not shelf esteem 😆

I have a terrible memory for details, including who told me what stories. I don't think I've ever constructed false biographical memories from one, but I've certainly told ppl anecdotes back (with filled-in gaps probably) that they had originally told me. Unless you have reason to from other incidents I wouldn't assume your DP was consciously lying.

Forgot to add, I've also known ppl who fabulise like mentioned upthread, i.e. tell lies, overdramatise or appropriate stories to get attention. But that's usually very noticeable as a personality trait, so if that's not something you noticed in your DP I would put it down to memory quirks for now and have an eye on it.

Red flag to me. If he'd have fessed up then maybe OK, but you don't want to be with someone who prioritises covering their own embarrassment over and above an honest and open conversation with you.

Some of the friend ones could be forgiven due to social anxieties, mental blanks in crowds etc. But a partner? Not for me.

I don’t think this is malicious - apparently the human brain is designed to remember the salient facts of a story and forget the extraneous detail (like dramatics personae).

This is because throughout evolution it was more important that we remembered the important things like don’t poke crocodiles with a stick, or you get sick if you eat the red berries, and we remember things best when we have the starring role in the story, so our brains sabotage us by recasting the story as something that happened to us regardless of reality.

It happens to everyone (even if we don’t think it does), we are just unaware when it happens to us (and of course furious when other people do it to us), but it really isn’t the same as consciously choosing to lie or having trouble with reality. It’s just a minor unconscious tick our brains are programmed for.

I can see how you would tell a funny story as if it had happened to you, to cut out the whole 'and my friend's girlfriend's mother's dog' bit, but it's weird not just to admit this when he realised that he was telling you your own story. Does he have form for not being able to admit when he's wrong? Because that is one of the most infuriating traits to live with (I should know - I am a mostly-reformed 'person who is always right' and I look back and cringe at some of the situations I got myself into by not just admitting that I was wrong/didn't know something/had forgotten some detail).

I did this once but I was absolutely shitfaced and started telling someone a story they told me 🤦

It can be a compulsive lying thing. It's to get approval from people or something. It might go alongside being a bit obsessive about things, going weirdly out of their way to manage a situation the way they want it, possibly also a nail biter or skin picker. Quite concerned about their self image. Relating to others is based on getting approval rather than genuine relating.
May be the youngest son or still live at home and be very close to his mother. All speculation of course.

I don’t see what the problem is here, he’s just got confused and forgotten who told him the story originally.

I don’t see what the problem is here, he’s just got confused and forgotten who told him the story originally.

You're missing the point. This wasn't just repeating a story about someone else. He made this story his own and made himself the "star" of it.

This guy is fucked up. Run for the hills.

I would be more concerned about the fact hat you can't talk opening with your partner of a year than the fact that he lied.

If my Dah did that I would say something at the time. Why do you feel you can't talk freely?

I think he was just half listening to you, and a few days later "man takes birth control pill instead of antihistamine" popped into his head so he tried to amuse you with it.

Unless he has a history of lying or being very attention seeking, I think it was probably that. But maybe you have a problem with him not listening to you?