I’m unsure what to do please help

[Chicken101]

Hi,

Just wanted to check that I’m still a normal human, going through a bit of a mad time ie buying a house and being a hormonal pregnant lady.
It’s all a bit much I think but I feel I’m really really down in the dumps.. my boyfriend has been quite pushy and patronising with regards to getting everything done (I know he just wants the house to be ready and us settled before baby)
Problem is I’m questioning everything he’s pretty shit we don’t see each other a lot he’s married to work doesn’t communicate doesn’t check on me ever doesn’t ever ask me how I’m feeling only talks to me to confirm documents on the house.
But just feel like telling him to go where the sun don’t shine!!!
On the other hand I’m thinking am I just really feeling the pregnancy hormones cause I just don’t feel like I’m the same person anymore.
Also I’m around 17 weeks.

Any advice appreciated

Anyone??

Have you told him how your feeling? Could he perhaps just be worried about the house and baby? Men can be clueless at times and you may need to spell out to him what it is you need xx

he’s pretty shit we don’t see each other a lot he’s married to work doesn’t communicate doesn’t check on me ever doesn’t ever ask me how I’m feeling only talks to me to confirm documents on the house.

So why are you with him? I’m not being goady, I’m trying to understand why you’re together and having a child when it sounds like you don’t like each other, spend time together or communicate very well.

We’re together because we have been for a long long time, I should of mentioned that all this has only really started recently like the past few months since the baby news, so in my mind I’m like is it all the pressure he’s feeling to get everything ready or is he just freaking out about everything either way what I was trying to highlight is that he’s not being fair to me in my opinion when I talk to him about it he’s dismissive and rude. At what point do you throw in the towel?

Was the baby planned?

I guess you throw in the towel after you've had a really clear discussion of what you need and nothing changes.
Pregnancy can be a very tricky time and some men just don't handle it well and can be bloody awful.
Unless you've already made up your mind it's over, it's surely worth trying to talk and being specific about what's upsetting you.
His response will tell you what you need to know.

Buying a house and baby on the way are very strsssful, but you'd hope that you'd pull together rather than apart.

Well. I don’t think having been together a long time is a reason to stay together or BE together.

If this has only started since baby news then it’s likely nerves and anxiety but I’d have a proper conversation about it.

Ime btw, the decent men, whilst nervous about the baby and impending changes, do not become arseholes during pregnancy. The ones that do are usually just arseholes.

Baby wasn’t planned just a surprise that happened due to medication counteracting my contraception however he was really pleased when he’d got over the shock and seems excited however his behaviour of late has just been different, family have all observed this and put it down to nerves and the stress of all we have going on but I just think sometimes men are clueless and when I talk to him he’s basically said to me ‘we just need to focus on the stress of getting the house and then we can put full focus back on you and the baby’ well in my opinion as the carrier of the baby I can’t just focus on the house alone and my priority is always gonna be the baby (my living conditions right now are still comfortable) He doesn’t respect that I’m not allowing myself to be stressed out (although I am proactively helping with the move) stress is bad for the baby and I’m just trying to stay as calm as I can but he takes this as me not having any urgency. Maybe it’s just a difficult time that people go through but I don’t feel supported and we just bicker If I try and bring this up.

The fact that you've been together a long long time as you put it and yet now due to a few incidents during a heightened time in your lives you're considering throwing in the towel just screams hormones to me.

I know many women, myself included who just don't have the patience for any fuckery whilst pregnant. Also from his side, he sounds like he is internalising everything and unfortunately is becoming clinical in his matter-of-fact list ticking responses. This comes across to you as cold and/or rude and as you're experiencing the minefield of pregnancy and all the worries of nurturing and growing a precious baby, you're just thinking "fuck this, I've got more important things to do than put up with this". It is fight or flight in a sense.

What you don't want to do is make any rash decisions and instead try to have the necessary conversations with him. I know it's hard because you haven't done anything wrong but as much as becoming a parent is something we all have to learn, and women have to deal with the physical aspects also, for a lot of men it's such an alien concept that it's not until the child is here and they can find their place, their special bonding time or activity that it really sinks in.

I don't advocate staying with anyone just because it's been a long time. If there are issues in the relationship then in an ideal world these would be sorted before having a baby (I realise yours was a meds vs contraception issue) and purchasing a property together.

These are two of the most stressful life events happening at the same time so I think you need to cut each a break tbh