Can a marriage survive an affair?

[Isreeh]

My DH has now apparently left the OW. Is considering couples counselling again with me. My question is, can a marriage survive an affair? The affair was first time in a short marriage.
Thx

Run and don't look back OP! You're free - congratulations!

He left me for her claiming it was me causing him anxiety. But the truth is she’s a drug addict and he got caught up in it all. She lead him down that path too, but now he realises that she’s too damaged and think fixing his marriage is now back on the cards.

Clearly both you and him are giving a free pass.

• YOU caused him anxiety
• He was just 'caught up' with a drug addict (she didn't shove the drugs into did she? He took them willingly)
• SHE led him down that path
• He's not at fault, SHE was too damaged

Oh OP, face reality. The lies we tell ourselves... (yes, me too)

Not in my case. I would have done anything to save my marriage in the first shock of discovering, but thankfully, I came to my senses. I could never have trusted him again, and when I was able to look back calmly, I realised he had probably been cheating on me for years. I could not forgive him for breaking his marriage vows and I certainly could never forget!

All that said, if you think you can forgive and forget, that is your decision. Just be aware that if someone has been forgiven for cheating once, it often means they feel they have carte blanche to do it again.

Yes, two in my extended family have survived very strongly and long term after affairs,

But it took proper honesty, proper taking responsibility, proper work. They really loved each other.

It can happen.

Run like the wind. He has already given you a self esteem hit, get tested for STD’s and find a man worthy of you. Men will treat you how you allow them to treat you.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

From what you've written no I doubt it, he's left the OW? Oh lucky you! Run.

Yes, two in my extended family have survived very strongly and long term after affairs,

My friends and family would say that about me and my husband. They'll never know the real truth. I want them to think it's perfect.

So you never really know unless you're the one that was cheated on how they really feel and how much is for show.

No, not in my experience. My ex did it early in the marriage, no kids, and I forgave and tried to make it work. He did it again - for 2 years - when we did have our children and oh dear it was so hard. I should have known that a cheater never changes. That's 15 years ago, I'm remarried but it still make me SO angry when I think about both of those affairs. The idea that you can move past all the lying, is something I can't get my head around now.

In your position I'd take all the advice that you get on MN and remember that we are all survivors of horrible experiences - we're not a cheer squad telling you "LTB !" because we like the sound of our own voices. We're just a bunch of bruised and injured women who lived though what you're living through, and are telling it the way it really is. Good luck. And don't let him dictate what you'll do going forward.

Birdie6 has it.

We're here because we've been there and we want to return the favour of the help we received here when it happened to us and/or to help guide another woman through the gripping pain and life destruction - to the better life waiting on the other side of the overwhelming ruins now surrounding her.

I learned, in staying the first time, that he didnt appreciate that gesture of love. That gesture, that mercy, actually further dimmed his love and respect for me (which wasn't much to begin with...) so that he inevitably did it again and again and again until the truth was forced into the open by circumstances too outing and awful to go into here. Until forced into the open, he denied cheating and gaslighted the crap out of me until I very nearly went mad.

The vast majority of cheaters take forgiveness as a cue to treat you worse than before and will think of you as an even lowlier creature for your weakness kindness and love to them.

Especially not when drugs are involved. I would assume he has run out of money. Don’t trust him.

I’d forgive a kiss, even a one night stand (drunken or otherwise). People make mistakes. But a full blown affair. No fucking way! He’d be out!

Your ‘D’H blamed you for his fuck up too! I think your relationship is already over!