Silent treatment/depressed partner

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My DH had a breakdown six years ago, he has always suffered bouts of depression, needed in patient treatment and this massively effected the children in particular our then 10 year daughter, as he had threatened suicide in front of her.
I have had my suspicions that his depression has got bad again, hides away upstairs after work etc.
Last weekend he just exploded after I questioned, nicely, why he was building kitchen cupboard in lounge, the abusive language he hurled at me was very upsetting but I didn’t say anything back.
Since then he has come home at gone 10 pm and gone to bed in spare room, ignoring not just me but the children who have just tried to say Hi.
My dd needs to know he is safe and I asked him to text her if he is late as she is now showing signs of anxiety again, constantly clinging to me and nightmares.
I also have a strong suspicion he i has aspergers, so not sure if this is helping.
He has done the silent treatment before on several occasions but only for a day.
Is this behaviour abuse, depression or Aspergers?
I have decided I have had enough and am going to put house on market, unfortunately as I home educate my dd and only work PT I will have to move into rental.

Just to add he has always refused treatment for the depression.

Don’t know what I am asking, just upset and need to off load.

My goodness, what a lot for you and you daughter to contend with. Do you have any support for you- counselling for example so you have a safe space to talk?

I would get as much information as possible as to what you can claim in the way of financial support and then you can consider your options from a place of knowledge.

Best of luck to you OP

Have you considered borderline personality disorder? Or something along those lines. Sounds way more like something along those lines if he is threatening suicide and you are constantly walking on egg shells around him and he is using abusive language ect…

I wouldn't excuse it anyway, it IS abuse and there is no excuse. I'd be ofskies, even if I didn't have kids but especially because you do.

Oh and narcissists and borderlines ect (cluster b's) often claim to be depressed ect… its a common tactic to get you excusing their shit behaviour.

I really wish people wouldn't point towards autism to excuse abusive behaviour. Just stop it.

OP he's an arse who is going to turn your kids into gibbering wrecks. If he's depressed and refuses to get treatment then you need to protect your children from that by leaving him.

game my eldest is autistic, he is the most gentlest, non aggressive and thoughtful teen, it was a relative who suggested DH ASD was the reason he is like that, although I put it in my post I wasn’t trying to label him to excuse behaviour.
Tea I have just looked at BPD and he certainly ticks some of those boxes, he had delusional, thought he was being tracked, thoughts when he had his first breakdown.
I shall certainly be leaving,I am not prepared to live on eggshells and I worry about my children’s future mental health.

I have borderline personality disorder. Actually diagnosed.

I'm not any of those things

Bad behaviour is a choice

Again - NO!!! - just because a man (especially if he already has MH problems) behaves badly, he is not automatically autistic.
Especially not diagnosed by a spouse, it may feel like a cool explanation, it may be fashionable, but NO!!
Neither my DF, DB, DS, DH behave like that, their sense of justice and proper behaviour is very strong, almost ridiculously so.
So either STOP or get him diagnosed by a specialist with autism spectrum disorder.
Sorry for sceaming.

It was other family members who suggested it could be the ASD, as I said earlier my son is on the spectrum and never raises his voice even to his younger sometimes annoying siblings.

ASD was not diagnosed by me, it was his consultant who suggested he was tested for it when he was a psychiatric inpatient.

Anyway the estate agent has been organised and I am seeing solicitor on Monday.

This is abuse, regardless of any underlying conditions.

Well done for getting out. i hope dd heals before too long