I get annoyed with his actions (or lack of) then it's all my fault

[Danniinix91]

So i would like to know what other people would do in my situation....me and my partner have been together 9 years now and we have got 2 beautiful daughter's.
I have never EVER had an anniversary. I don't feel loved or special or worth anything on a normal day so it would be nice to have one day where I can feel like that. It was my 9th anniversary yesterday and what a surprise, he forgets...again! Even after all my hinting. I really don't just expect it all to be about me...I have bought him a lovely and expensive present, I got him a personalised card with a poem I have written for him, I got all the stuff to cook him a lovely meal but I get nothing! Then when he finally clicks in its our 'Anniversary' he doesn't apologise, he doesn't thank me for his things, he doesn't even wish me a happy anniversary!! He stayed upstairs and then when he did come down he sat playing on his phone all night dumbfounded as to why I am in a mood. Understandably I am upset, I feel that myself and this relationship mean nothing to him. He never tells me I mean anything to him and that he loves me and he certainly doesn't show it through his actions. Now being the soft touch that I am I reiterate that he still has a chance to make it up to me but he just doesn't bother! And now not only that he's telling me it's not a big deal and I am only being like this because I am on my period....I am raging!
So, if that was you how would you react and what would u expect from your partner?

He doesn't forget what the date is. He doesn't care.
And from what you are saying, he doesn't care about the relationship as a whole.
We've never done anything fir our anniversary. But we've talked about it and agreed not to. Same with valentines and Mother's Day.

I would have a hard look at the renatio ship as a whole. And I would stop buying presents for him and making an effort fir something he doesn't care about.

He didn't forget, he doesn't care. If he did, when you gave him a card and gift he would have been apologetic, he wasn't he ignored the whole thing, and you.
He doesn't care about you, he has more or less told you so.
You will spend the rest of your life being disappointed by this man, if you stay with him.

@plantbased...I don't think I said autism makes you a*hole!! I was merely enquiring if the op's h had ever had issues with demonstrating emotion or not. No offence intended. I work with people on the spectrum and also emotional irregularity issues and they often present with difficulties picking up nuances or indeed full on requests of reciprocal emotional investment. If he has always been this way it might be an explanation.
As with anyone else on these threads I was merely pondering, obviously none of us know the full story .

I dont think he's autistic because even when OP pointed out to him that he had forgotten the anniversary, he didnt apologise and didnt say thankyou for the gifts and then went out of his way to make her feel invisible by playing on his phone.

For context, my son is ASD and while he often forgets things, he ALWAYS apologises and says he'll try remember next time. He feels remorse and he is able to tell me he loves me when I say it to him. He sounds more like a covert narcissist to me and a misogynist (saying you were acting like this because you are on your period).

My mum used to excuse my dads EA by saying he's autistic (no diagnosis) so it really annoys me when that gets thrown up on threads like this.

OP, have you ever read up on covert narcissism? He's going out of his way to show you how little you mean to him and if he treats your DD's the same way then you are setting them up for a lifetime of codependency (along with watching their mum being treated like a doormat).

This is not how a relationship should be and you shouldn't settle for a life of being made to feel insignificant.