Is this normal or controlling??

[Monkeyblu]

I just don't know anymore and could really do with some objective opinions from you wise ladies!

Long term issues with DH and I've questioned controlling behaviour before on here but things had got a bit better the past few days. He's off on business for 4 days from today and obviously expected a 'bedroom send off' from me this morning. I didn't have the best night and wasn't in the mood - it's not like it's been weeks, we dtd a couple of days ago last. So we've had the usual strop about him not being able to come near me (!), me clearly not enjoying it when we do and questioning our marriage as we're not compatible...

This is also on the back of me mentioning to someone how I have to give him every single receipt for purchases off the credit card so he can keep track of the accounts - they thought that wasn't normal which has got me questioning things again.

I honestly don't trust my own judgement anymore.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

This is all controlling and thus abusive behaviour from him. This is all about power and control, he wants absolute over you. He wanted power and control in the bedroom by treating you as a sex object for you to give him sex and as when he wants it and he wants power and control over your own spending. What you write of his behaviour here re the receipts is financial abuse. Such men are not solely financially abusive either and indeed there are other examples of his abuse towards you.

None of what you write about him is at all normal here. This is what abusive men do with the result being that you do not trust your own judgment and have spaghetti head.

Use these next 4 days wisely to plan your exit from this abusive marriage. Contact Womens Aid, your local domestic violence group and the Rights of Women organisations. All can help you here but you need to take that first, the most difficult of steps to make, and break free of a life where you are being controlled.

Fear of him and fear of change/being alone along with many other reasons keep people within such relationships but your relationship with him is over due to the abuse he metes out. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

Your post struck a chord with me - Not the money aspect which luckily I don't have, and to be honest that's the bit that you need to be worried about. But the sulking when I'm not in the mood - my DH did this to me on Tuesday and he's still not speaking to me. I think he's being childish and I'm not threatened by it - but I do think there's an expectation bordering on entitlement which only has the opposite effect to the one they want.

33goingon64 - the money thing has only recently struck me. I do have my own account and income but it was also my dad commenting that, while DH can see everything I spend on the joint credit card, I can't see anything he spends! I don't have access to the account as he is the main account holder and I'm an additional cardholder.

Re the other bit, I knew what he wanted this morning (it went very quickly from a cuddle to hands up my PJ top and down my trousers). I didn't reciprocate which is when (eventually) he threw his toys out of the pram.

Thank you for replying.