I am so unhappy I don’t know where to begin. There are two main areas to my life my job and my marriage and both are making me unhappy.
My job is making me miserable. I am the only female in an all male company working as an accounts assistant, however, I am expected to answer the phone, make travel arrangements, raise purchase orders, all at the drop of a hat regardless of whatever else I have to do. I feel like a dogsbody most days. My desk is directly outside the mens toilet and I can hear everything that goes on in there, combined with a waft of toilet smells which hits he in the face when the door is opened as I sit literally a few feet away from the door and at an angle to it. The men pass the time of day with me but there is little other conversation and as such I feel bored and isolated. My boss isn’t friendly and I struggle to make any conversation with him. I sometimes feel like just getting up and walking out.
I stay because the hours are good and the pay’s ok but that’s all. I feel I’d like to do something more interesting/worthwhile, maybe some sort of care work but those types of jobs tend to involve evening/weekend work which I’ve never done and I’m not sure how I’d adapt to unsociable hours.
One of my reasons for keeping to regular weekday hours is to be at home with my husband but read on and you’ll wonder why I bother!
I’ve been married for 30 years we don’t have children. My husband has always been moody but is getting worse. He will stop speaking to me for no reason whatsoever, one minute he’s fine then a few minutes later he’s gone all silent and moody. It can happen even if I’ve not been in the room, so can’t possible be my fault, but I always feel as if it is. Much of the time I can’t pinpoint a reason for the mood, other times it can be because I’ve been watching a tv programme he doesn’t like (despite him always watching programmes I can’t stand).
He never wants to go anywhere or do anything, a trip to the shops is about the extent of our social lives. If I suggest cinema, theatre, concert, etc. he will say no before I’ve even finished saying what the idea is. He just never wants to have fun and as a result life isn’t fun. We don’t have friends, we don’t socialise, we just exist in a miserable bubble.
I am not massively outgoing I quite like my own company and I would probably be quite happy just to do things with my husband and have some fun but our lives have never been like that. He's a very emotionless man and it's impossible to discuss my feelings with him, believe me I've tried many times over the years but he just doesn't have those conversations.
I could go on for ages getting this off my chest but no-one would want to read it. Right now I feel in a complete rut. If I was braver I’d be jacking in my job, packing my bags and just leaving it all behind. I don’t have any family I could go to so really don’t know what I could do if I did leave.
Where do I go from here? I hate confrontation and I am not at all assertive so that doesn’t help me at all.