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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do.....

2 replies

BeanCalledPickle · 26/06/2019 21:12

I’m stuck. Been with DH ten years. Married eight. Kids are 6 and 4. Haven’t had sex in three years. Live more or less as housemates, separate beds etc.

I range from actively disliking him to being largely indifferent. Sometimes we have fun. Most of the time we simmer and snipe. I think I want out and can’t imagine living like this forever. He literally does nothing for me anymore. I can’t remember the man I married. What’s worse is I just can’t be bothered to try. I despair of the fact he has few interests, few friends etc and rarely goes anywhere or does anything. He’s most likely depressed. I would be too but have friends and a social life.

He’s an excellent dad. I could never do anything that takes his kids away. And to a certain extent I will sacrifice my own happiness for that. We live in London and earn enough to pay the mortgage and live relatively well but no where near enough for him to be able to live somewhere else. I earn twice what he does. Our house was financed by my flat and inheritance so even if we sold it wouldn’t be strictly split. And anyway I don’t want to do that to him or the kids. I don’t know what to do. I just know I don’t want this forever. What would you do?

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 26/06/2019 22:23

Hi op in similar situation I’m just putting up with for my dc sake now if he ever wanted to go that would be fine but I’m not willing to break up the family or share custody all I can say is if you do stay try and get out and have fun so that when your at home it might be something you can tolerate. Have you had the discussion about where your both at? Big hugs I could have wrote your post but I’ve made my bed but if you have someone you can talk to about the relationship that might help. Good luck.

Jsku · 27/06/2019 00:50

Was where you were several years ago... Wanted to wait till kids are older and more robust.
Dealt with the misery by focusing on myself, my friends and interests, etc...
It helped to hang on for a few more years. Until I was ready to make a change.

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