Husband keeps threatening divorce

[lilyrose225]

I have NC for this.

I have been with husband 5 years, married for nearly 2 and we have a DC who is 1. I moved from where I was living to the town he was as he was the bigger earner, it's about a 2 hour drive from where I am from.

Since we have had our DC our relationship has gone downhill, he says because we have no time together, yet when we do get a babysitter he never wants to do anything.
At the moment every time we have a argument he keeps threatening divorce, as he says he isn't happy, I am stuck as we live with his parents, I am SAHM and literally have no money to my name, as it's all his. I have suggested marriage counselling, but he says no.
Any one have any suggestions? I do love him but every time he threatens divorce it's getting me down.

Thanks

You have 2 choices basically.

1. Sort it out - honest discussion, compromise, counselling?

Or

1. Split up and get divorced.

You would survive financially as you have a child. What do you head and heart tell you??

I would tell him you are happy to give him a divorce, and then I would pack my bags and take my baby back to where I was from. Fuck him and his threats. This is not a marriage worth saving.

I'd move back to where I was from if I had support there, apply for benefits and CMS, and then let him take me to court.

Thank for your responses

My heart is saying stay, I do love him with all my heart, and he does love our daughter (though moans if I take a step back and let him help with her)

My head is saying go, I think it probably doesn't help with living with in laws, as I find it very awkward and they do poke there noses in!

I am so scared though

My heart is saying stay, I do love him with all my heart, and he does love our daughter (though moans if I take a step back and let him help with her)

Love means doing the hard work. He doesn't want that so he isn't a great father.

Is there a plan to move out at some point?

Crikey. You’ve got yourself in a right situation here and you are extremely vulnerable. Once your kid starts school it’s going to be much harder to move back. I wish I’d moved to where I have friends/family when my kid was that age. You’ll end up stuck unless you do something now. Why is it you making all the sacrifices? Move back and if he truly wants you then he will follow. Surely it will be easier being around people you know truly love you?

Why do you love someone who treats all marital money as his own and who threatens to divorce you if you argue with him?

Seriously - what is there to love about that sort of abuse?

And why are you so broke if you're living with his family? Do you actually know how much money your husband is squirrelling away?

Give him a week to change his attitude .. seek professional advice if you are feeling shakey about it all .... this is cruel of him to keep saying it

Better now than later.
Make your plans and go.

We have no money due to having £4000 in debt, on his credit card. Since I have had my DC I have had 8 interviews but got none of the jobs, but I still get told to try harder and find a job! I would take anything.

Also please don't say let him help with her it isn't helping it is parenting.

The word help means that you feel and he feels that your DD is entirely your responsibility hence why he gets arsey when you have a break from sole parenting.

In 20 years of marriage and some massive ups and downs neither myself or Dh has used the word divorce if we have been unhappy.

You need to sit down with him and talk about how you can fix this and if not, how it will work practically if you do divorce and the likelihood is that you will move back to your home town where you will have support.

Just LEAVE.

Why do you love him with all your heart? What does he have going for him? Not that much from where I'm standing. If he's so unhappy, surely you are too, as he sounds like hard work.

My ex used to threaten me with divorce if ever he thought I was doing something he didn't want me to do. So one day I took him up on his offer.
Be careful too, OP. you 'D' H sounds the sort that will turn nasty if you do try to leave. What are his parents like? Could you confide in them at all about how your DH is treating you?

Situation doesn't look good. I'd be planning my escape.

I'd take your time, get some advice and understand what money would be available to you.

It may not be worth jumping immediately. Can you continue to look for work and have a goal of leaving once you have a part time job. I'd be really worried to leave without an income of my own/money to take with me.

So next time he says it call his bluff, leave without saying anything and go back to your parents, or see if you can stay with friends. Then see what happens

Hi Op it must be difficult for you. Maybe worthwhile chatting local women's aid?

Do you have any family who could help and provide some support?

I wouldn't confide in inlaws. If you leave they are most likely to side with him. Plan carefully and get everything sorted, wait for next argument and then leave if you will be ready

Can you go back to your parents home for a while ?.Being in the house with interfering In laws wont help your marriage one bit!.Have a break from him and see how you feel in a few weeks say.If he threatens divorce again say "fine"and that you will look into it!.If you can move out, and have a look for a job as well then that puts you on a more equal footing.If he feels the strain of living with his family he probably threatens divorce if he feels unhappy within himself

What is it about him that you 'love with all your heart'? His threats to divorce you? His behavour 'helping' with the child? The bullying to get a job?

Honestly, what are you getting from this relationship?

Go home for a little while if you can, take the baby, clear your head.

Take him up on the offer. Is there a particular reason you live with his parents? Your situation sounds unbearable to be honest.

There is really not much you can do OP if you’ve suggested counselling and he’s refusing.

Can you go back to your hometown and live with your parents? If so you can always register for social housing and everything wi pretty much be paid for. Check how much universal credit (benefits) you would be entitled to on the entitledto website. And then once you get settled with your own place with your DC you can then look for a job after that. There are ways around it, you won’t always have “no money” but you will if you stay with this self centred bastard. As someone else has mentioned, he must be squirrelling money away somewhere. I don’t think the monthly repayments on a £4K loan would clear his entire months wages. And you’re living with the in-laws so outgoings can’t be as much as someone who rents or pays off a mortgage.

It all seems dodgy to me.

You’re better off without imo