‘Acting the part already, are you?’

[Kukumbr]

I am ashamed to say I’ve been really unwell for a good while now and so have applied for PIP to help with things. I won’t go into detail but when I’m not well, I can hardly move and often require hospital stays. A few days ago, DH and I were preparing for the PIP assessor to come to our house for an assessment. Our 4 year old needed his teeth brushing upstairs in the bathroom, so I shouted to DH to go up and help him. He asked why couldn’t I do it. I explained that I wasn’t feeling well enough and he said, ‘oh, you’re acting the part already are you?’ This was so hurtful as it feels like he’s invalidating how unwell I’ve been. Am I being over sensitive?

Kukumbr Im sick too. If dp said that it would feel to me like he didn't believe I was as sick as I am. I don't know if you're being over sensitive, But I know I'd be really hurt by that comment. Though he's never put it on words DPs actions say he either doesn't care or doesn't believe how sick I am and it hurts so much to deal with that from someone you're so close too.

I'd have to ask, quite calmly, "Do you genuinely think I'm making this up?" and see what he said.

What a nasty thing to say

Profoundly unpleasant. Yes, sit him down and ask him straight whether he genuinely thinks you have invented an illness that's bad enough to immobilise you and to require regular hospital stays.

I mean, I can appreciate it's a shock for a partner when someone becomes seriously unwell, but that sounds thoroughly nasty.

Do you think he might have been clumsily attempting a joke, as the PIP assessment was imminent?

If he’s usually supportive, could he have been nervous for you, as there are many stories circulating about how harsh the assessors can be?

How did it go btw?

I'm so sorry your husband made such an insensitive remark, Kukibr. I would be hurt by that too. People really don't understand some illnesses unless they experience it personally. We all know that chronic illness takes its toll on the family but still, it was the wrong thing to say. He might feel rotten about it now and may never say such a thing again.

I'm afraid that the type of condition that frequently makes you unable to do basic tasks IS tedious for your partner, and can lead to seemingly unkind remarks.

It does affect him too.

That’s terrible. What an oaf.

@Malvinaa81, that wasn’t a ‘seemingly unkind remark’, that was an aggressive sneer from someone implying the OP is playing up her condition for the PIP assessor!

I hate this country that people are saying they are ashamed of disabilities and health issues and having to get help. Don't be ashamed op and he is awful. Do not be ashamed ever.

@malvina you're an arse.

I am not playing anything up. If anything, I play it down and push through as hard as I can until I land myself in Resus in A&E multiple times this year already. For DH to know this and watch it happen and still quite seriously imply I was lying, it’s just so hurtful

Have you spoken to him about it? How did your assessment go?

Malvina One day you may become sick or disabled and you'll be dependent on others and you better pray to a higher power you don't encounter anyone with your fucked up viewpoint

I spoke to him about it and he’s apologised for it but it’s still smarting because I do not want to be this poorly