I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this thread and sorry if this gets long. I've name changed because this is probably outing to most of my family, a couple of whom are on mumsnet (though I suspect not in this section).
I grew up with an abusive 2 years older sister. I don't remember a time before being scared of her. She was sneaky a lot of the time; pinches and prods when nobody was looking, I talked quite late, mumbled and remember getting in trouble a lot for "whingeing" when she had just hurt me, once I was even trying to show her teeth marks to my aunt but my sister was saying I'd done it to get her in trouble and my aunt believed her. I'm not sure that anyone except my mum believed how much she was bullying me all the time and my mum was seemingly helpless to stop it. As a young teenager a friend saw her deliberately bash my head off a doorknob, I apologised to my friend who said what shocked her was that I didn't react and then apologised. To me it was just a normal event, she liked to hurt me. She got worse as a teenager; stealing everything, I remember being locked in the house with the chain on shaking while she screamed through the door at me, I was waiting for my mum because she told me not to let my sister in without her being there, my sister was going after me because I'd told our dad that she'd stolen my money (I'd been doing a lot of babysitting). She had a normal childhood, I've no idea what made her so wild all the time. Her personality was and is erratic, while our parents are more calm, I think they couldn't understand her and were lost in working out what to do with her.
Since being a teenager the physical side of abuse has stopped. She always claims to love me and she wants a lot of contact. She exhausts me with it, I can't cope with streams and streams of messages, many hours of phonecalls saying nothing of interest about friends of hers who I don't even know. Every now and then she explodes in anger and I get vitriolic nasty texts about some perceived slight. Then she moves on. She has never apologised for anything she's done, nor anything she's said, she just expects it all to be forgotten.
I've been relatively low contact; I see her mostly with other family and take calls ever few weeks or so. Then I had DS. As he's reached the toddler stage, I feel like I've been hit by a brick wall of emotions. I'm so upset for the child I was, who nobody seemed able to protect from her. Recently she exploded at me about nothing, streams of nasty texts. I blocked her from everything and felt relief, that she couldn't get at me. A little later I had to unblock her because she was taking our dad to hospital, so I see she's sending messages every few days, telling me she misses me, misses DS etc. I don't know what to say to her and I don't know what to do. I've been talking to DH, who can't understand with our history how i see her at all. I'd love to never see nor hear from her again, but I don't want rifts affecting our wider family. Surely also I'm being unfair slightly, because she was a child and it's my parents who failed to help her behave.
Sorry it was so long, any thoughts on how to handle this would be appreciated.