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Original poster

God I feel so shi t right now

28 replies

doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 00:02

I guess a friendship that's complicated and tipped.
Good friends for 18 months. I've supported him, he has me.
We text most days. Have same interests in books music tv . Everything.
We .meet once a week and have done for last year for chat. Instigated equally.
Last week, we had a disagreement. He let me down at the last minute. I was cross as was a poor exuse. ( forgot he had a job iinterview) i was on route .I had a busy day. He is mr organised. It didn't ring true..
I told him. Words were exchanged. All okish by friday. No word over weekend. Chatty text yesterday.

Tuesday. it's our normal day to meet .He is too 'busy '. No suggestion of another time.
He then sent me me picture of him out on a dog walk with the caption. Making new friends. .. He doesn't have many friends so...
I've realised I care and feel shitty as feel he's met somelne. I kniwhim. This is a telltale sign.. I'm not a gameplayer and would rather know then be kept dangling.
So I've (after wine)_said cuppa tomorrow? No worries if you're busy but will leave it to you.
If he's evasie. That's it. I guess it's his last chance after 2 d let downs. It's an intense friendship. I have feelings i now know this.and think if He cares about me hell be there tomorrow. The pic today felt like a challenge of a try to make me jealous. It's always hard summing up when you're describing to strangers but that's my but feeling .
I feel bereft as it feels over. I do feel more than friendship but won't cling on it he's not interested. my answer will come tomorrow. Just feel low. Unrequited feelings. Shit.

OP posts:
happybunny007 · 26/06/2019 00:10

So.... do you want this to be a relationship rather than a friendship?

Original poster
doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 00:13

Yes. I'd rather know niw. I suspect he doesn't... The pic today felt like a pointer. But I'll move on it so.
I've been lying to myself for a while. Just feel sad

OP posts:
hadthesnip2 · 26/06/2019 00:42

Have you never thought of him before as boyfriend material.......or he you ?? Seems strange you've known him that long without the old "When Harry met Salley" question cropping up.

Might be he has felt more for you than you knew & he's now given up & moved on. Sorry.

palahvah · 26/06/2019 05:50

Is this normally how he tells you he's met someone - by sending a photo with an ambiguous comment?

Original poster
doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 06:16

I think you're right . Will message today and see what happens. Will know for sure one way or another .
Palahvah - no but it's an out of character act. I kinda feel there's more to it and he's trying to tell me something.

I think the not knowing is the hardest. If he's moved on or not interested I'll deal with it and move on after sadness .

OP posts:
MUMMYMARIA84 · 26/06/2019 06:31

Have you both been single for the whole 18 months? It’s hard to stay good friends with the opposite sex when you’re both single. Has anything physical ever happened after going for drinks?
If nothing has happened before then maybe he also has feelings and has got a bit scared an worried it will ruin a great friendship.

pictish · 26/06/2019 06:34

He sent you a photo from a dog walk saying ‘making new friends’ after telling you he was too busy to meet up.

I mean if nothing else, that is fucking childish, no? And rather pathetic?

Don’t know the guy obviously...but I’d be very put off pursuing someone who uses tactics like this to make a point. You confronted him about letting you down at the last minute and this is how he responds? Sounds like an arsehole to me.

Original poster
doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 06:38

He doesn't drink. I'm second guessing but it's time for cards on the table I think . I feel pretty shite now and have convinced myself something has "changed" between us these past few days.
No he's very controlled when he's around me . No hugs or anything . Unlike other male friends. He enjoys my company info know that xx

OP posts:
pictish · 26/06/2019 06:40

And if you’re sitting there feeling shit...it has worked.
What are you going to do next time he wastes your time to please himself? Cba with the upset of bringing it up to him...let it slide?

Trust me, you do not want to get involved with anyone who bullies you into accepting poor treatment for fear of being rejected.

pictish · 26/06/2019 06:43

Friendship or otherwise.

MUMMYMARIA84 · 26/06/2019 06:47

He could of just actually been busy doing something he didn’t want to mention to you and had to take the dog for a walk first. The making friends but could be about the dog and socialising it. Would he likely be on a date or would he tell you? Does he work? He could of had a really stressful day at work just wanted to go for a walk and not talk about his bad day. There could be loads of explanations. You won’t figure it out until he tells you tho so just tell him you’re there for him if he wants to talk.
Just bare in mind how you would feel if he had met someone and decided that because of the feelings developed that you could no longer be friends. Friends territory is always hard

Original poster
doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 06:49

Thanks Pictish : wise words. I've just read a long text from a good (female) friend who feels similar. She has obviously seen us together and feels he is manipulative and would make a bad partner ... also that even as a friend he is pretty intense and her words pissessive. She thinks the picture is trying to make me jealous and fall into line!?!

OP posts:
ExsandOhOhOhs · 26/06/2019 06:56

I would have to ignore him Im afraid.

pictish · 26/06/2019 06:57

Well what he’s done in this instance could be interpreted as very manipulative, yes.
Like I say, don’t know the guy...but I’d be wary of being in his thrall. You’ve had an indication of how he plays it and it doesn’t make you feel good.

category12 · 26/06/2019 07:02

He's really not very nice. He blows you off and sends you a picture with "Making new friends" on it? That's nasty.

Fgs don't chase someone who does spiteful things like that. Listen to your female friend.

Chances are, if you back off he'll up his game, and you should not fall for it.

Beautiful3 · 26/06/2019 07:20

Honestly the friendship sounds unhealthy. Just back away. Try to make some new friends too, try a hobby group.

Original poster
doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 26/06/2019 07:50

thanks for all the wise words. After sleeping on it and pondering on stuff posted here. I have decided not to say anything and as Beautiful says, make new friends. I do have lots already but he has taken up too much time this past few months.

whatever the motivation of the picture, it was manipulative, he was either trying to make me jealous or trying to make a point that he has a new 'friend'. Either way it isnt meant to make me feel good.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 26/06/2019 07:58

It’s hard to stay good friends with the opposite sex when you’re both single.

Really, MummyMaria84? For you maybe, but certainly not for everyone. I'm a man and my best friend is female. Been friends 14 years. We've both been single for most of that time. We've never had anything physical happen, before or after drinks. If I named my ten closest friends, eight of them would be female and while most of them are now not single, when there were single, nothing ever happened. Never wanted it to either.

Littlechocola · 26/06/2019 07:58

Be honest with him and tell him that you want more. Maybe he feels the same way and is backing off because he’s worried that you don’t feel the same.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/06/2019 08:07

@ShatnersWig

You're interested unusual IME.

ShatnersWig · 26/06/2019 08:14

You're interested unusual

Not quite sure what that means, but...

I wonder if it's a generational thing? I was at a wedding last month and the groom had two best women not a best man. Bride knew these two were very good friends of his and didn't mind a bit (they all socialise). I know many other women with good male friends. I've read of many on MN over the years too.

MUMMYMARIA84 · 26/06/2019 08:53

shanterswig
IME in my experience.
I have had lots of male friends, work in a very male oriented business and have two brothers who I am close with. Yet when I am single I can’t think of any single male friends of mine who haven’t changed the way they interact with me. Obviously I have lots of married male friends too and most of them are genuine and lovely, I do sometimes see when they have an argument with their partners tho and start moaning at me about them it starts changing and I on purpose would avoid them so they don’t start with an emotional affair type thing and so if I feel I need to avoid them then it can’t be a real friendship as I wouldn’t have to if they were one of my female friends.

It is different for everyone, maybe because I am confident, fairly attractive and run my own successful business it might be diff but I know I need to be very careful with my male friends

ShatnersWig · 26/06/2019 08:58

I know what IME means. I couldn't work out what "interested unusual" meant. Which is why I highlighted that bit.

But from your update, it sounds like the issue is you not them.

BoudiccaKate · 26/06/2019 09:02

@ShatnersWig Grin

Musti · 26/06/2019 10:42

This is a super odd post. So you're friends and he's out socialising with someone else or trying to widen his friendship group. So what?? It has happened twice in 18 months.

And you say you may have feelings for him but you two aren't in a relationship so. ..I am unclear of what the issue is and what you want to happen. And it's odd that you're deciding now, after 18 months of friendship, just as he seems to be pulling away that you may want more. You're the one who sounds possessive and a bit, I dont want him but don't want anyone else to have him

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