Anyone divorced and regretted it? Having wobbles

[Mysty83]

Got my papers ready to send and now I'm panicking and having wobbles, I know it's right deep down but the finality of it all is awful and I'm struggling today. Anyone wished they had stayed?

You're grieving what you wanted and hoped for NOT what you actually got.

God no. I was SO happy and felt so free in the years afterwards I only wish I had stayed single

Don't worry. You haven't done it on a whim, after all.

Nope, delighted I left!

No.I am sad for what I hoped we had but clearly didn't.

Nope. Fucking delighted. As they say on here, I lost 12 stone. 12 stone of total dickbag. XH had wobbles though, even though he was the leaver...

Don't worry it 's one of the biggest life changing decisions. If it's the right one or wrong one perfectly normal to have doubts.

Yes lots of wobbles. I think it’s for what might/should have been though. It’s hard. You remember the good times sometimes, not many marriages are all bad, there will always have been good times.

Thanks guys this all helps, yes that's probably what I'm doing, it's just being away from the kids that kills me and feeling bad they dont get time as a 'normal family' but your right I have to remember those family days out were never much fun xx

You can still change your mind later down the track, nothing you've done so far cannot be stopped.

But a lot of things got you to this point, and realistically are unlikely to change.

I think it’s normal. I had a huge wobble last week caused by a crisis at work, someone sticking the knife in. I came home to an empty house and felt sad and very alone.

I wondered what I was doing divorcing H, remembering the absolutely lovely person he was more than a decade ago ..... but that was a long time ago.

I don’t bear grudges and seem to have moved past the hideousness if the last few years of our marriage but he would never be able to put me or DD before his work and so it would always be doomed.

Hard if you still care OP. I do ... but it wasn’t right.

Yes. It was really hard to fill in the papers even thought it was absolutely what I wanted (it was my choice). I think PP is right - you grieve the future you thought you were going to have x

Thank you. I'm getting all the emotional blackmail at the minute, how I've wrecked the family, how hes going to kill himself, etc. He makes my arguments seem so small and unreasonable I start to believe it again. Dont know how much more of this I can take, worried that the divorce papers will send him over the edge but equally cant go on in limbo land. It's like a never ending nightmare Thanks for the positive responses though xx

Lots of wobbles, even one year on....but I struggled with my hopes and dreams going to shit, not my relationship ending...i don't miss him...i don't miss the fights and emotional manipulation...but I miss the friends, the easy lifestyle, having a companion, the family we built together. I also regret all the years I wasted on him. So many years and opportunities that I can never get back. The best years of my life, just wasted. It's horrible still, 1 year on, and I lose plenty of sleep over it.

I have met someone lovely and things are good. Rebuilding my life, career etc. But the regrets and "what ifs" will never go away, I don't think..

But you need to understand that you shouldn't stay in a bad relationship just because you have history, because it's easy, because of what it might be if he were a better person. You need to move on because staying is even harder.

@EnoughLifeLessons thanks for your reply, I'm glad you have found happiness and I hope it gets easier with time xx