If you're NC with your dm, what did she do to make you decide NC?

[Redisdarker]

I'll start the ball rolling. She didn't want to be pregnant with me. Didn't bond with me. Was emotionally neglectful. Told me I was wrong about my own personal experiences. Abandoned me as a young child. (I was then abused). My needs went unmet. Wasn't there for periods etc. Passed off my own work as her own. Took personal credit herself for my achievements. Created a great stink in the run-up to my wedding. I went NC to protect my dc.

Bumping for the morning crowd..

The final straw was when she admitted we had a difficult relationship but said it stemmed from the time my father told me that ‘mummy doesn’t love us’ when I was 11. Apparently since then it was a bad relationship. No other reason.

1. 98% sure that never happened. I certainly don’t remember it. Both brothers also don’t believe it happened.
2. Dad died when I was 15, so there was no way he could defend himself.
3. Upon over hearing her husband telling her daughter that she didn’t love her, my mother’s response was to do nothing. If I heard my dh say something like that, he will regret it every day of his life and I would be doing everything I could to show my dc that that wasn’t the case.

It just showed me that there is zero chance that she would take any responsibility for her actions, let alone apologise and that she would rather make something up and blame a long dead person then admit fault.

It knew then that she would never change and that was that.

Mine was when she made a big deal of declaring she would never come up and visit me ever again as the drive was too much (2 hours straight up the motorway) - that in itself was fine, people get older, can’t drive for as long etc BUT in the year following that statement she went to florida and drove round on the wrong side of the road, drove to butlins which is an awful 2 hourish drive from her and finally drove all the way to Northern Ireland which included having to literally drive past my house. It nowhere near the worst thing she has said or done but it was the final thing that made me realise she really doesn’t care and she would never change and be the mum I deserved.

Told her friends my dad was physically abusing her. It scared the shit out of her when the police turned up in the middle of the night ... My dad told them to call me (!) I was away at the time and the first words out of my mouth were 'whatever she's told you it's very unlikely to be true'. The police also checked my sister for signs of SA (she was only around seven) and she still remembers it). If my mum had had any kind of bruise or mark my dad could have been arrested.

The next day my mother tried to justify it by saying 'he psychologically abuses me, it's the same thing'. Well, no he didn't, and it proved that her need to create drama and continually be the victim was escalating and it would likely destroy our family and my mental health. So I went NC.

Very very hard because of my sister being so young and obviously still wanting a relationship with her, but my mental health began to significantly improve after that.

My DD will never meet her.

I realised she didn’t love me by the time I was 7.I was never hugged or shown affection, and she didn’t get up if I was ill in the night. When, aged 4, I coughed with a chest infection, I was shouted at for disturbing her sleep. But I didn’t understand she was a selfish poisonous narcissist until much later.
I blamed myself for being a disappointment and failing to please her (despite being top of my class all through school and graduating as a doctor).
I moved 500 miles away from home to get away from both parents (Dad was violent - beat us with a horsewhip, dragged us round by our hair and pulled me down a staircase by one leg), so I only had to see them when they came on their annual visit.
When I was working 100 hours a week as a junior doctor, she arrived for said visit. I opened the door and her opening words (to the DD she hadn’t seen for a year) were “Ugh, what a lot of spots you’ve got”. Followed by walking into my house and pointing out “You haven’t cleaned that window properly”.
Stupidly, I felt I’d failed again, instead of telling her to fuck off.
My father then told me “you haven’t made your mother feel welcome”.
That was the beginning of the end for me, but the actual Damascus road moment came when my lovely DH, who was unfailingly courteous, kind and polite, erupted at my parents and stormed out of the house. I finally realised, at the age of 33, that it wasn’t me - it was them!
They drove home in a temper, and I wrote them a letter saying I never wanted to see them again. They never met their grandchildren, and both died by the time DD1 was 6.
Sadly DH died when both DDs were babies, but he left me the treasured legacy of 16 years of being loved unconditionally, and that not only helped to heal my awful childhood but gave me the strength to cope with bereavement and widowed single parenthood for the intervening 27 years.

Straw that broke me was during a high profile court case where dh was a witness she was ranting about our goldfish being lonely. How cruel I was for only having 1 fish..... Was with a man who died from a stabbing and she was chastising me for animal cruelty...

Mine was an ok (ish) mum growing up but my brothers girlfriend made a malicious phone call about me to social services and my mum sided with them so haven’t spoken to her in 2 years

The very last straw was lying about having cancer to try to get my attention and/or sympathy.

Mine was the type to tell me she loved me over and over again after behaving in a very unloving manner. It doesn't sound important, but it's really spoilt those words for me. It was only when I started working with children that I realised that I hadn't actually been a horrifically badly-behaved nightmare child, she'd just completely over-reacted to normal small child misbehaviour. I had a conversation with her a few years ago in which she admitted that she didn't really see children as people. That explained an awful lot about my childhood.