If you've gone NC with your dm?..

[Redisdarker]

Is she totally 'dead' to you? Is it really, really finished for you? Are you absolutely sure that that door is closed forever - even if she's dying?

I am in this situation with my dm. It's been a long time. (more than a decade) I've done a fuckton of therapy. & Now I'm contemplating her death. I hear on the distant jungle drums that she's had major surgery & didn't expect to live but she did pull through eventually. I'm questioning whether I break the ice to make peace before she does really die, or whether I just leave it as it is.

If you've gone NC, is that absolutely it for you? Never to hear/speak again no matter what? Could you live with yourself if she does die & you didn't make peace?

Yes.

She is already dead to me. I have made my peace with that. It's 7 years for me and I've not wavered or doubted it once.

Could you live with yourself if she does die & you didn't make peace?

Yes. I have spent most of my adult life trying to make peace with her and having it thrown back in my face. The last 7 years have been the only respite and, only during these years, have I realised the damage she has done to me throughout my life. I'm fast approaching 50 and, in many ways, I'm still a sad little girl.

I owe her nothing.

Yes. It's really, truly over. It's essential to my peace of mind that there be no doubt whatsoever on that. 13 years now. And I've never regretted it.

I must be coming up to 13yrs now but the doubts are starting to set in.

I went NC with my mum but I did send her birthday and Xmas cards. That was it.

She actually did die, very suddenly, I did go to her funeral but not the bit afterwards.

I have never felt guilt about this. I know the state of relationships was not my fault, it was all down to her behaviour.

Could you go back to your counsellor and talk though how you’re feeling. Getting back in touch may be a good thing, or it may not. You need to explore this with someone who knows the background.

Depends what you’d be doing it for I think. Are you secretly thinking she might tell you how sorry she is? Or are you just wanting the closure of goodbye? Just take care of yourself, that’s the most important thing x