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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family member abusive relationship - please help.

3 replies

mrwaternoose · 25/06/2019 18:30

Throwaway name. Details vague as this is very sensitive.

A family member is in a relationship with an abusive man, they have a very small baby. Not married. They bought a home with only her money as deposit a couple of years ago but both names on mortgage and deeds. Complicated situation with her partner’s older child who has recently come to live with them following a nasty custody battle with the mother, who is an unfit parent (genuinely).

Since baby has been born, her partner is verbally abusive to her, forbids her from seeing friends or family, restricts her money (currently on mat leave), has told his family that she is mentally ill and dangerous (she is neither), has threatened to kidnap the baby, locks her out in the garden so she cannot attend to the crying baby and refuses to do it himself. He has never looked after the baby alone and shows frustration and impatience when baby cries.He has on more than one occasion asked her to give the baby medication to induce sleep, she has obviously refused.

She says he has not been physically abusive but I think it’s only a matter of time before he hurts her or either of his children. She wants to leave him and move back home with the baby (her parents are fully supportive of this) but doesn’t know how to prove he is abusive and is worried for his older child.

He has an alcohol problem and regularly gets into fights at the weekend, not sure if he has a criminal record.

What steps can she take to prove this man is abusive, who can she tell without tangible proof and how can she get him away from her and the children? She deletes all WhatsApp messages from the chat as soon as they are read so we don’t have text evidence anymore.

She is so afraid of not being believed and that he will tell SS that she is mentally ill.

OP posts:
mrwaternoose · 25/06/2019 19:00

Anybody at all?

OP posts:
Time4change2018 · 25/06/2019 20:47

Someone more qualified will come along I'm sure but in the mean time I'd suggest an appointment at her GP / health visitor. They can help and everything is confidential. If he is controlling and would attend make a smear appointment so she'll be seen alone maybe?
If she has internet access maybe set up and email address to email herself with journal type notes to keep track of everything that is going on without an email trail.

mrwaternoose · 25/06/2019 20:52

She isn’t ‘allowed’ to take the baby to the doctor without his express permission. That happened last week! Today she has bought new sheets for the cot and he asked why she didn’t consult with him first. I’m hearing this all second hand from my DM and the more she tells me, the angrier I get.

She’s my cousin, so her DM is my auntie. The partner has gone as far as to rearrange the beds in the house so my auntie can’t go to stay (they moved 150 miles away at his insistence)

The more I write down, the more desperate I am to help her.

OP posts:
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