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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Am I making a big deal?

6 replies

Juliasrutherfor · 25/06/2019 17:18

So....my husband has a total lack of empathy and is particularly arrogant especially on social media...arguing with people all the time and trying to make them look stupid. He lies constantly about various things (hiding alcohol...meeting a woman in a bar) and lies to the death unless I find out by mistake...I feel trapped as I rely on him financially due to a child. He says that my reaction to his lies are the problem as I get upset and angry...it's like he's become not bothered about any consequences...but the thought of leaving feels so painful..he is such a literal person that I'm beginning to think that maybe he has a personality disorder..he can be vile if we fall out and he not only lies but makes up stories to cerment the lies. He goes to the pub every night...am I just crazy for staying,why do I feel like I love this person or is it some kind of trauma bond...he has an avoidant personality type

OP posts:
JoMumsnet · 27/06/2019 18:15

Hi @Juliasrutherfor, we're going to move your thread over to our Relationships topic - hopefully there'll be some Mumsnetters around to offer some advice and support. Flowers

CandlesOnTheHearth · 27/06/2019 19:39

Gosh there are so many reasons to leave him and none to stay that I can see.

What a horrible man!

Juliasrutherfor · 27/06/2019 19:57

When I read that over I agree...why can’t I just leave??? Why do I think I still love him?? Why am I letting someone treat me so badly

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/06/2019 09:48

My advice until you're ready to leave him is to focus on yourself and your child.

Stay connected with family and friends. Don't isolate yourself, find interests and hobbies to participate in. Do volunteer work if childcare permits.

Think about what you can do in the form of personal development for yourself. There are quite a few free online courses in a range of different subjects you could do.

When you invest in yourself, you haven't got time to focus on what he's doing. It's wasted energy, especially when he chooses to blame you for his lies.

The less you engage, the less he can talk his nonsense. Or you can just smile when he's lying and nod, then walk away.

pinkyredrose · 28/06/2019 09:56

Jeez he's horrific. Get yourself out of there and claim benefits, he's abusive and your and your child's life will be horrific if you stay.

category12 · 28/06/2019 13:22

Therapy?

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