Sick and tired of being asked if I am broody!

[Spacebound]

My sister has just had a baby girl two days ago and I am really happy to be a first time Auntie but with this the "are you broody yet" questions have become even worse!!

I am 33 and my Husband is 35 we have been together 16 years, married for 5 and we are really happy. We enjoy spending time together eating out, going to gigs, going on holiday and we have a really nice life and at the moment neither of us see children in out future but we have never completely ruled this out, our feelings could change one day.

I have now been asked 8 times in the last two days by my family if I want a baby yet and people just don't understand how hurtful this question can be. What is now making it worse is that my family are trying to make out that my Husband does want a baby and I don't and that I am preventing him having one. Last night I was at my sisters house playing with the baby and my brother in law (for the fourth time that day) says "you want one don't you" I responded with "not just yet no" then he said "(husbands name) wants one though doesn't he" I again responded with "not just yet no" he then goes "would you even care if he did" (angry) I was so taken aback and hurt by his comment I couldn't even answer him, what made it worse is all of my family just sat there and said nothing. I told my Husband when I got home and he was so annoyed!! How do you even respond to a comment like that without causing arguments?

My brother in law is causing a lot of bad feeling with my Husband and I lately, especially since they announced they were having a baby, he thinks he is super-dad, like he is the only person in the world to have had a child and my mum and dad are hanging on his every word. He gets far to personal with us and his often nasty comments. I am even finding myself wanting to stay away from the baby for a while now just to try and put a stop to it. He is trying to worm his way in to becoming like head of the family now he has given them their first grandchild and trying to make out that I am a failure for not having one.

How can approach this situation without causing bad feeling and upset within the family?

Thank you! x

“Not really - [DH’s name] andI are really happy. We enjoy spending time together eating out, going to gigs, going on holiday and we have a really nice life and at the moment neither of us see children in out future but we have never completely ruled this out. Our feelings could change one day but until then we’d rather not be quizzed on it at every opportunity.”

Is what you say, as per your post. And ignore your BIL - just shortly say “no, as I’ve told you before.” For whatever odd reason, he feels the need to act the way he is but I expect it will wear off when the new baby is less of a novelty.

I definitely don’t want DC and make no bones about saying so very firmly - people don’t ask me any more and haven’t for years (and I’m 33, so prime age for interrogation on it.)

How annoying. Just reply, that neither you nor your husband want children yet but if and when you want them, you'll be sure to let the people who matter to you no. Maybe start questioning him about wanting to get a managerial role/extend the house/buy a holiday home etc - something that they don't have or do but you have or do and you can annoy him with

I find an "excuse me?!" with raised eyebrow, loud enough for everyone to hear, followed by a hard stare until he responds usually works in circumstances like this. Often, if you force the person to repeat themselves or explain their twattery, they will become embarrassed and hopefully considerably less likely to repeat the offense. If he just repeats "would you even care" then you say "what do you mean by that?". Just force him to explain himself.
What a dick.

Perhaps he's projecting onto you. He may resent you and your dh care free life.

You do NOT need to explain yourself. Choosing not to have kids is just as valid a choice as choosing to have them.

I can only imagine how annoying he's being. Give it a couple of weeks of no sleep and see how smug he is then.

So rude - your reproduction is none of his business.

I think the issue is between you and your BIL. His question was unintelligent. The comment about your husband not getting a say implies he sees you as controlling or the one who needs to be ruler of the roost. Interestingly you accuse him of the same thing. So you both like to lead and that’s why you clash.

I would put good money that he has been fed that perception by another or others. Chief suspects would be your sister or your husband.

I have now been asked 8 times in the last two days by my family if I want a baby yet and people just don't understand how hurtful this question can be.

I don't understand why you're finding it 'hurtful', though obviously it's incredibly annoying and like listening to a stuck record. DH and I had been together and happily child free for far longer than you before we had DS, and neither of us has had a 'broody' moment in our lives, before or afterwards. My main feeling towards anyone with a newborn was a vague pity -- I certainly saw nothing to envy.

OP, just think how hurtful this comment would be if you and your husband desperately wanted a baby and couldn't have one.
People are dickheads.

How is it hurtful if you don't want any?

Just ignore him or go on about some wonderful holiday you're going on. Do the head tilt and faux sympathy face if he complains he's not getting much sleep.

Op anyone that has an emotional reaction to you saying 'not yet' or 'no' has a problem themselves. They are not at peace with their own decision regarding this in life. Let it wash over you knowing it's not you.

I think your BIL is envious of his child free lifestyle.

It amazes me how rude some people are. No consideration for the fact that you may be unable to have children.

I know I'm on mumsnet and I'm not having a go but people can be so nasty and unthinking. I didn't have kids because I have PTSD from watching extreme violence by my parents and needed years to unravel the damage. I could never have brought kids into this world with the damage done to me. I can't even look after myself. But how do you say that in the staff room when people keep asking you. Ugh.

Just say what's the problem, we don't want kids

As long as you're both on the same page who gives a shit what anyone else says

@Piggle23 so sorry to hear that

I always told people the truth, that I had gynaecological problems and as a result I wasn't sure if I could have children. It really upset me. People don't like over sharing.
Tbh it's none of their business. Just tell them that. You don't have to justify your choices to anyone. Also it's very common for new parents to think they know it all. Try not to take it personally. It could be masking insecurity.

Piggle23, I have abusive parents and had to start the recovery process before having dcs. I also did a lot after as I realised how awful my parents were to me as I didn't treat my dcs like they treated me.
You are a good person to do what you have.

You seem pretty normal to me.
One sil wanted babies she had 2.

One didn't she hasn't any.

I was on the fence till my nephew was born.

My child free sil has probably been a better aunt as she has had more time and money

But it doesn't matter.

Just laugh it off it's none of anyone's business.

You sound great because you know what you want and have gone for it.

(Stuff 'um )

Your brother in law sounds like an absolute moron.

Next time, just say something along the lines of "us choosing not to have kids yet seems to be far more of an issue for you/everyone else than it is for us. Why is that?"

I've had the same comments op. It's so rude. I think it's jealousy a lot of the time. I've no answers but I get it.

I’m childfree by choice as is my husband and your first mistake here is entertaining their offensive bullshit questions at all. Nip it right in the bud with a strong ‘that’s none of your business’!!

Personally I prefer making people feel awkward...

‘We’re unable to have children....’

‘Why are you interested in our sex life...?’

‘Why are you so fixated on what I do with my uterus Dave...?’

Responses to that effect!