Heartbroken

[GoldSlippers]

My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me yesterday.

I have a physical illness which limits my abilities to do certain things, I was always honest from the start with him about it and he assured me he was ok with it. I told him about how I felt about kids early on - I’m not sure if I’d be well enough to have them before it was too late for me - because I didn’t want to get involved if it was a deal breaker for him, again he said he was ok with that. Last night he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because of the kids thing.

I get he probably didn’t realise/ has got caught up and not thought things through properly but I feel so heartbroken that he let me fall in love with him and has now told me it’s too much. It feels so fucking unfair that I’ve lost someone who meant a lot to me because of something I have no choice or control over. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever because no one would want me like this when they have their pick from literally anyone else who would be better than me.

No it's not fair, but at least he is not leading you on. You will get over it.

I’m sorry this has happened and that you feel so sad - breaking up is hard! But you know if that’s the way he found he really felt then he was right to end things quickly, before you got in any deeper. And I’m absolutely sure you will find someone who doesn’t want children/any more children. Hold tight OP 💐

I think that he was right not to string you along for longer. I respect his honesty.

But that is no help to you right now. You’re naturally very upset about the unexpected end of a promising relationship. You’re mourning the future you thought you’d have with him. It’s really tough but you’ll get through this, with time.

And yes, there are men out there for whom childlessness is not a problem. Also, men who already have kids and want no more.

He’s made the right choice for himself. And you have to respect that.
You feel shit now, but time will heal. Even though you might not think it atm
And there are plenty of men who don’t want children. I’m dating and I’ve met loads.

Hi lovely. There will be lots of men with kids who dont want anymore or men who also don't want kids. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup though. Those early break ups seem to hurt more but for a shorter time. All the best

he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because of the kids thing. Sounds like not only a cop out, but a heartless and mean cop out at that. Sorry but even if that was the real reason, a decent human being would never have said that. You are well rid.

Having children is a big thing for some people. You have to respect his decision and be thankful he hasn't let the relationship drag out longer than it needed to be.

Find a man who really doesn't want children or somebody who already has.

Having children is a big thing for some people. You have to respect his decision and be thankful he hasn't let the relationship drag out longer than it needed to be

This ^. Time will be a healer, you will get through this. Better now then in a year

Thanks everyone, I want to text him to tell him how much it hurts but I know that’s not a good idea so I’ll offload it here instead

He said he couldn’t handle the not knowing anymore and was losing sleep so I know it means a lot to him. But at the same time I’m like you don’t have to handle anything you get to just walk away. I’m left dealing with the illness and potentially not being able to have kids myself, but I know that’s not his problem. I just feel really upset because I said to him at the start when I explained about everything please don’t let me start to get feelings for you if you don’t want this, I wouldn’t have been hurt if he’d said it wasn’t for him at the start but now here we are.

Oops name change fail

I think he's been fair - he's taken time to think about it, and it's a deal breaker for him. Better to know now than a year down the line.

But it's really shit for you. Look after yourself

I'm sorry OP. I have a chronic illness that is physically limiting. I've been with dp a long time, but he's never fully accepted my illness and he's broken us because of that. I know how hard it is to have your relationship break down over things that you have no control over and desperately wish you could change.

I'm sorry he didn't tell you sooner when you first bought it up. It may be the right decision for him but it's heartbreaking for you 💐.

Sorry you have a chronic illness too DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 it’s hard feeling like the illness takes over so much of your life it affects all relationships too. I stayed on my own for years before this because I thought no one would be interested in being with me like this and now I feel I’m proved right and should stay on my own.

He always made me feel like it’d be ok and we’d find ways to make things work. Had been talking about him being a stay at home dad or getting help in only the week before to make kids possible, I feel so stupid for letting my believe someone would actually want this.

I don't want to minimise your hurt but at least it is now and not years down the line. I know it still hurts. I had this and he changed his mind 5 years later, hurt like hell. He does have to make the right choice for himself though like others have said. If it's a huge thing for him then he has done the right thing. I hope you have good family/friend support at a time like this?

Having kids is shit anyway.

Having kids is shit anyway.
Seconded xD

You don't know - he might have a low sperm count anyway.
You'll get over him and meet someone who is right for you.