Dear friends going through bitter break up. DH and I side with opposites

[HennyPennyHorror]

We try to remain impartial but it's hard because DH is close to the male of the partnership and I to the female.

Naturally.

She tells me and has for years what she's put up with and he tells DH how it is for him.

Both sides have a fair argument in one way but in my opinion he is more to blame. DH doesn't see that.

We've both said "Let's not discuss it between ourselves" but we keep doing that because it's so close to home.

What's the best way forward?

Just accept that it’s nothing to do with you and that you never, ever know exactly what goes on in other people’s relationships.

Is it worth falling out with each other over? No.

We've both said "Let's not discuss it between ourselves"

There's no other way.

Hopefully in time they will be able to be civil with one another, but until then embargo the topic.

Don't let it ruin your marriage too!

Unless someone has been utterly awful (abuse, cruel affair etc) there generally is blame on both sides. Acknowledge that, don't dwell on who do the most wrong. You perhaps see bits of your selves in their arguments which will get each of you defensive and get each others backs. If you have to talk about then use it as talking points for how to protect and improve your own marriage.

There are as many sides to a story as there are people telling it.

As SleepWarrior said, unless there is abuse, they are both likely to be right as they are each telling the story of their lives from their own perspective.

They will both be right, but each of them will only be focusing on the parts of the story that are relevant to them.

My DH sided with one half of a couple friendship who had behaved appallingly (affair, followed by not supporting his kids) We had to have a period of not talking about it or it may have finished us off too. Luckily my DH soon saw his true colours so now we have nothing to do with him anymore, but still see and support his ex wife.

I think you just need to stop discussing it as there is no other solution.

It's really not worth you and your DH falling out over, so I think either you don't discuss it or if you do, resolve not to let it get to argument point.

It's always a horrible position to be in, when a couple splits and you're friends with both.