What do I do?

[makingchange]

I've been stupid. I've got myself into a dependent marriage. I've no income, no friends, no family that would support me.

I have one dc, 5 months.

Dh blatantly doesn't love me. Treats me like a doormat. Tolerates dc as long as everything is on hand. As a newborn I over heard him telling him to shut the fuck up and that he's a little cunt, a few times. Because of this I've never been able to leave the baby with dh. I know that it's just words but instinct won't allow me to fully trust him. I've never had a break out of the house. Dh will look after him whilst I do housework at the weekend but that's it.

Dh is not happy with me, or as a father. He ended things at the weekend, then pretended it was in the heat of the moment and he didn't mean it. I know he wants out. What do I do?

Nc cock up that mn have kindly sorted. Much obliged.

It's done. I've asked for separation, he agreed as expected. He thinks it's about the party
I'm crazy apparently.

You are not crazy, just tired of being disrespected.

well done OP. You're not wrecking your child's future - you're improving it. No, it's not normal to shout at a newborn baby, and it would only get worse as he gets older. Plus your dc will see how he treats you and learn from that - he'll think that's normal.

Something I don't understand - why do you have to leave? Why can't he? Your child needs a home and is a priority, he can't care for your son as he works, surely therefore he should be the one to leave?

He'll never go. He's already admitted he's only still here so as not to lose half of "his" house to me!

I'd love to change the locks but legally I have no right.

I feel good about it for now. Thank you all for the wise words. Just need to figure out our escape route.

He's saying I knew who he was when I married him and to deny our child a family unit is shameful. Anyone have any clever responses? This is via text.

I want to say that he's right I did know who he was but my self esteem is low and what I was once prepared to accept for myself I am no longer prepared to accept for our child. It took becoming a mother to change that.

He'll say I'm playing the victim though. Will I just leave it?

You are entitled to maternity pay even if just statutory OP, it's around 600 quid a month, are you getting that? You should do unless you've been unemployed a long time. If you are a single parent you will also be entitled to tax credit/income support which would all come under universal credit now. And of course half the house and child maintenance - you would make it work.

He does sound emotionally abusive and gaslighting yes but to be honest it doesn't have to be that for you to leave him anyway! The question is are you happy and do you feel it is a healthy environment for you and your baby? And don't let him guilt you about the family unit, there are many many damaged children out there who wish the "family unit" had been broken up a lot earlier..

When you married him you didn't Expect your dh to call his own son a cunt. What a charming man he is.

So he's back from working away and I just feel so sad and lost. The pathetic part is that I adore him. I know I cannot keep living like this and I have to protect my son from it. But deep down all I want from him is an admission of guilt, apology, for him to profess his undying love. I just want all this shit to go away and for him to love us and treat us right. It all just makes me feel so worthless.

Op i am afraid what you want does not exist and is not possible from/with him, it is hard but clearly he is not the person you need or want.

You have to cut your losses, give yourself time to heal and find something better that DOES give you what you want.

Thank you
I keep harking back to the idea he must be having an affair that seems to make husbands treat their wives like shit according to all the threads on here.
He did say sorry last night and that he does want us to work. When I said that actions speak louder than words and he just keeps acting like we mean nothing to him he made it my fault.

Op that behavior is his issue, you don't have to accept it.

You are so right, actions do speak louder than words.
If someone shows you who they are and what they really think of you, then believe them regardless of what they say or how much they blame you.

It may help to take the emotion out of it and look at his actions as though to a friend or daughter, are they the actions of a man who loves and cares for his partner?
Are they the actions of love or hostility?

Look at the facts not what he says, then decide if you want to accept it or not. Just don't stay because it is the easiest short term.

I still cannot get over calling his child a C* l would have left the first time that happened and been incadescent with rage.

Can you go online and see what you would be entitled to?