Do I deserve this from my family?

[ThisIsAboutYou]

I had been arguing with 14 yo son about how he has no respect for me and won’t help at home. In a fit of anger I said he would have to start helping or move out because I’d had enough. So then he moved in with his dad who has never paid child support and hardly helped with raising him all these years. He won’t speak to me at all now and I don’t know how to fix it.

To make matters worse, I went to see my mum and stepdad (who has raised me since age 2) and they are saying that I have to choose between them and my boyfriend when they have never had a problem with him before.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this? I don’t have very many friends and now none of my family will speak to me. I feel so alone

How long have you been with your BF? Does he live with you? What are your parent's issues with him?

Does your son know him?

We’ve only been together a few months and we are not living together. We haven’t talked about that yet. My son has met him and they seemed to get on fine so I don’t think that is the problem.

I met my boyfriend through an ex who was really awful to me. They are not friends anymore, my boyfriend was the one who helped me see that my ex was treating me so badly. But my family say that he must be as bad as my ex to have been friends with him. They won’t give him a chance to prove he is different. I just want them to let me make my own choices and not have to choose between them and him.

I bet your mum blames your boyfriend for your son moving out .
That’s why she’s asking you to choose.
Can you explain to her that it’s not related ?

I bet your mum blames your boyfriend for your son moving out

Yip... I bet your sons not declaring his lack of respect and household chores as his reasons for moving out right OP

the timing is no coincidence OP.

in a fit of anger I said he would have to start helping or move out because I’d had enough. So then he moved in with his dad

Was that really all that happened, OP? A single disagreement and he moves out? That seems...unlikely if up until then you guys had a normal, happy relationship.

Not that there's anything wrong with him choosing to live with his dad. But it seems...i don't know....indicative? that this thread is mostly talking about your boyfriend, not your son.

Whats really going on here, OP?

I didn’t think the two things are related but maybe. It feels like they are kicking me when I’m down by doing this now.

I don’t know why my son is so angry. We argued a lot about the lack of respect and the house. His dad was abusive so maybe he has been dropping poison in his ear. I don’t know because he won’t talk to me.

I have thought about going along with what they want because I can’t cope with more arguments.

When I was your sons age my Dad got a new girlfriend and it rattled the shit out of me. I felt angry, unsure and unsettled. I felt pushed-out and ignored. Even though my Dad (who had full custody of my sister and I) didn't do anything to make me feel this way. I gave my Dad more attitude and disrespect during that time than ever before.

I think introducing them after only a few months was WAY too soon! Just because they appeared to get on doesn't mean your son isn't feeling upset by the whole thing.