Moody dp

[Courtdays]

Hi

If dp gets in a mood, he doesn't seem to care how much he hurts or upsets me. I don't know how to handle it.

For example, I started discussing something that annoyed him last night. I wasn't arguing, just talking normally about how he is with ds and a family holiday booked. In the past hes struggled to be patient with him so I just wanted some reassurance he'd make an effort. I probably waffled on to much in all fairness but I obviously love my son and want everyone to get along on holiday. I'm a worrier. He went into a mood and wouldn't sleep beside me, no affection - this was his way of punishing me and it worked.

I've told him how hurt I felt. He doesn't care, he won't apologize and it's my fault for 'dragging up the past'. It's the same every time. I know what to expect now. We probably won't speak for a few days now, it's like talking to a brick wall. I just wanted to talk, not argue.

I know he lacks emotional intelligence and empathy, although he has been getting better. How do you deal with this, if he'd told me I'd really hurt him, I'd feel terrible. I did see a therapist because he had all the traits of a narc and we were at breaking point.

The therapist helped me understand him better, and in his opinion it's lack of emotional intelligence/development. Or is he just a prick.

Just feeling fed up with it. Up until this we were getting on great. How would you deal with this. Emotionally its very hard.

I would dump him
Life is too short to put up with a moody shitbag

Think what his nastiness and lack of patience will do to your poor son.

He sounds like a prick (as does your counsellor)

What is stopping you from leaving your abuser?.

It is not possible to have a relationship with a narcissist.

What SapatSea wrote.

You likely only got on great with this man up till now because you willingly danced to his tune.

Would you want your son to grow up thinking that his dad's behaviour is acceptable, that yes this is how men do treat women in relationships. You are currently showing your son that this is still acceptable to you. He is not a good dad to him because he is treating you, his mother, abusively and with the utmost contempt.

What is it about counsellers and excusing abusive men?

I’d go with your original assessment OP. Why did you need Counselling to deal with his problem anyway.

Being single is a lot easier, because you only have your own shitty moods to contend with. Who needs an energy vampire in their life anyway. Get rid, otherwise you’ll end up squashed and miserable, and your DS will be fucked up for life, and probably turn out like his father.

Thank you. Ds is not his biological child. I guess I wanted to put a few things to bed and give myself peace of mind.

I just want my children to be as happy as possible. DS is in my sole care 99% of the time due to work hours. My main concern was the holiday.

I went to the therapist out of desperation. I felt like I was going crazy. I was broken. The therapist did say a lot of his behaviour was about control. He was basically keeping me on a string. If we argued, he'd threaten to break up sending me into a panic. Eventually I told him to go, I don't want anyone who doesn't want me - he hasn't tried that since because I made it clear I'd happily let him go.

I think seeing the therapist shook DP up and forced him to face up to what he was doing - he knew the game was up. He went to a session with the same therapist. He has improved a lot, much more self aware now. Really tries to be emotionally supportive, I have to give him credit for that. He's honestly so much better - almost a different person. But the moods remain. I'm put off going on days out, holidays because of it.

I confide with someone who used to be like dp and he recognises and understands his behaviour very well. Unfortunately his default is to defend dp which makes me question myself. It's a different story when you're at the recieving end of this shit. It's like an addiction to the highs and lows.

Fair enough if you want to put up with him but it’s not fair to inflict him on your child if he is not kind to him.

He is emotionally abusive and you don’t need to put up with that shit. Abuse only gets worse over time. By feeling sorry for him you are excusing his behaviour. Narcissists don’t change.

I know. I have tried so hard to understand and help him. I'm sure I'm a pain in a lot of ways as well but I couldn't hurt someone I love and not care no matter how moody I was. It's just weird. Then again, I suppose it's what he wanted.

up until this we were getting on great

But also

I did see a therapist because he had all the traits of a narc and we were at breaking point. The therapist helped me understand him better, and in his opinion it's lack of emotional intelligence/development. Or is he just a prick.

So you haven't been getting on great, you've been to therapy to tackle his lack of emotional intelligence and by the sound of it you feel its up to you to just put up with that rather than you meeting in the middle or him making an effort too.

Thank you for replying. Sorry the therapist was awhile ago now, so things have changed and gotten better gradually since then. I think he has made an effort since the therapy to be fair.

He provided zero emotional support until recently but has really been trying. I used to feel let down when depressed or sick, like he wasn't there for me. He has been trying.

There just seems to be this side of him when he's moody that just makes him oblivious to anyone else.

That’s because he’s a narcissist. They can’t really change.