should I leave husband?

[Mishadickinson]

These are the pros and cons of my husband feel my husband constantly says hearbreaking things to me,He apologises and tells be to get over it. but his ways are really hurting me and I am now considering being single.Please advise me.My kids are 4 and 2.

PROS
*can be kind and sweet
*looks after kids if I need to go out.I have no family near to help
*salary though he is bad with money and we constantly run out,
(I am sahm ,though now looking for work)
*good with kids feeds, clothes, changes nappy, bathes happily

CONS
*Very boring relationship, never do anything fun,he is never romantic, this year he forgot by birthday and he didnt do anything for our anniversary , he didnt think I deserved it because I had been angry over something he did.
*VERY emotionally abusive when he doesnt get his way,he
swears at me, calls fat and ugly, says he doesnt really love me etc
*I will never forget when he told me he wished I had died during my miscarriage when we finally had our son.I had 3 heartbreaking back to back miscarriages that needed surgery, he said he was upset I had woken after surgery after minor squabble.
*Wishes death on me and my parents often
*Smokes Marijuana daily though never around me or kids,

• This morning after disagreement over money , I told him he had an expensive and unhealthy habit and should give up .He told me he would give up on me before the Marijuana and had no intentions of staying with me in my 40s !!!.I am 30 now.He said this in a very matter of fact and cool manner. I was shocked but he has said before that he plans to leave me when im older.This coupled with his insults about my appearance have made me dread getting older with him as I know he will continue to insult my appearance.,and today he reiterated he has no plans to stick around all this was followed by an apology as usual.He always apologises after his horrible words but I feel unloved, insecure and not secure in my marriage.

I feel really sad for you op that you actually need to ask this question. You're living with someone who treats you like a piece of shite. And you are actually considering continuing living like this till he eventually kicks you to the kerb.

It's just sad that anyone's life comes to this.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. He's told you he's planning to leave you.

Start planning your exit. Don't say anything to him about it. Don't act any differently. Just make your plans - and at least you can end the relationship on your timescale then, instead of his.

What a vile creature.
Don't waste the best years of your life on him - leave.

I told him it was over so many times after so many heartbreaking comments and I meant it but he never really took it seriously.I have even locked him out when I have been so hurt but he just sat outside waiting and I would eventually let him in out of pity and I don't really think I had legal right.Then it would all be about my cruelty for locking him out. I feel like I've said it's over so much that's it's lost meaning on both of us,it was mostly said in tears.Hes never left and doesn't take me seriously.We rent and it's in both our names.I don't think me and kids should be forced to leave but he won't leave so probably have no choice.I don't want this time to be like all those other times.I have lost all hope of a life with him.I just hope to start making money and do what Charlotte suggested.Thank you all.

Very sad. I second what Charlotte said.

This time, Misha, don't talk to him about it. Get yourself a solicitor and talk to her/him. Let the solicitor talk to him when it gets to that stage. He will listen then!

And, as Attila said, talk to Women's Aid. They can help you plan everything.

He’s told you he’s going to leave you in your 40s? Well, I’d be leaving HIM in my 30s! Beat him to the punch! You are flogging a very dead horse here. He’s disgusting. Get rid.

Yes, you need to end it with him. He sounds toxic, no one should be spoken to the way he speaks to you. What a horrible home environment it must be living with him. As others have said first make a plan, speak to Womens Aid and a solicitor. Good luck

Wishes death on me and my parents often.
And you need to ask ?

Feel very sad for you Op, is there any way you can stay with your parents until you can find alternative accommodation? If needs be go to a refuge, this man doesn't love you or even like you anymore, which is all of his own nasty behaviour. But like others have said the longer you stay with him , his behaviour will rub off on your children, and they will start treating you the same get away from him now.