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Confused

8 replies

Debbieb70 · 24/06/2019 13:54

Apologies for the long post but I really need peoples opinions on this.I was seeing someone for four months. Met him online in an fb group. I'd arranged to meet him in two weeks time and one day he messaged me saying he wanted to let me know he'd been on a date as he didn't want to lead me on. Fair enough I said and I hope it goes well for you. About six weeks later I see him in the group again so just say hello stranger. Next I get a message saying hi I send a hi back his are you. Ends up with him saying I don't suppose you want to meet do you. I asked what had gone wrong with who he was seeing he said she turned out after a couple of dates talking about marriage and holidays together so he'd had to end it. I agreed to meet him and we did the next week. He was a nice guy we got on so I asked him to nip in for coffee before he drove home the next day. He lives Bucks I'm in the Midlands. The week after on his couple of days off work he came over and stayed. I didn't have sex with him as I didn't want to jump to that. Anyway I found myself liking him and we arranged him coming the night he finished work and staying over for the three nights. After the first time he'd started being pretty full on and texting me a lot and he missed me. Well he started coming every week. On the second week we talked about his children which I'm not sure if it should have been a bit of a red flag. He has four kids by three different women and obviously hasn't stayed with any of them for more than 4 years and by there ages he's moved onto someone else pretty quickly and had another child. The last one he hasn't seen for almost six years sent a said she moved one day and just vanished. The first two he said he doesn't really see as their mum turned them against him and the middle one he was seeing on his days off and when he could but hadn't since six months before and her mum was always cancelling on him so right now hes taking her to court to see her even though inbetween he's seen her a couple of times. Two weeks or so into him staying over he told me he loves me and messaged me all the time and yes I had feelings for him too and messaged the same all the lovey dovey things. We counted the days all week seeing each other and he was full on. He talked about us saving up for our future and getting a place to live and he'd looked at mortgages and asked me if I minded moving his end. I really believed it was one of those love at first sight sort of things and that yes they can happen. He even asked me to marry him and even looked at honeymoon places. Yes I know huge red flag. He had week off work and he even took me to meet his parents they live about an hour from him as does his children. I stayed over at his for the night before going home. He had been not so intense the last couple of weeks before but I wasn't sure what to make of that as you can't always be intense for so long. Anyway as he was starting to get the chance to see his daughter and couldn't come my way I said me and my son would go there so we did. On his days off I went with him when he drove to see his daughter and stayed too though it got cancelled. By this time texts had really slowed down to hardly anything. I asked what was wrong as usually he called me each night and he hadn't for a couple of nights. I messaged saying you need to talk to me what's wrong. He apologised for not calling or messaging and said he should have. I said are we ok and he said we were and he still wanted to see me and I arranged to go over in about 10 days time. The texts though got no better in fact worse so I called his bluff and said shall I book my train tickets. Seven hours later a text says work might be decorating the flat. He lives over where he works. And he'd let me know tomorrow. He called I again asked if we were ok He said we were and that we'd arrange something about seeing each other. No word from him I messaged him and the answer I got hours later said I just can't do this. I messaged back do what and to at least talk me the next day. Next day he'd removed me off fb and whattsapp and I presume mobile. No explanation no phone call to finish it at least in an adult way. We're both not children I'm 49 he's 48. I've noticed on fb as you can still see when hes been online that for a few hours after work he's not been on and then been on later at night whereas he'd mainly pop on during the night when with me. Same on his day off today not on for a few hours which indicates to me he's already with someone else obviously more local. He only finished it with me a week ago. My freinds say he has issues whatever that covers. Opinions please as sad as it is I'm heartbroken as I thought it was really working and that he was so stressed with work and the business with his daughter as he told me he felt so down about it all. Probably just words though and I'm just an idiot

OP posts:
pog100 · 24/06/2019 14:02

Whatever the problem is, it just isn't worth the hassle is it? All this shit in 4 months? Just leave it be.

category12 · 24/06/2019 14:13

I think you should see it as bullet dodged and count yourself lucky to be out of it.

Hecateh · 24/06/2019 14:14

Lucky escape - he's a twat

Next he'll be telling someone else that you were too intense.

TeaForTheWin · 24/06/2019 14:17

he'd started being pretty full on and texting a lot Yup was just waiting for this after he mentioned the other girl coming on too fast. HE is a lovebomber. He gets too close too women too fast so that he can mess with them. Then when they obviously develop feelings, he makes them out to be the one with issues.

Look up narcissistic personality disoerder and lovebombing/future faking.

And RUUUUN. Seriously, block all contact, he is a loonatic.

Teresagreen1 · 24/06/2019 14:37

Think you've had a lucky escape

Debbieb70 · 24/06/2019 14:57

That's what I'm starting to think

OP posts:
Debbieb70 · 24/06/2019 15:00

That thought has entered my head but I guess I really wanted to believe he was for real. I thought yes now I see it it was probably not the one before me being that way but it was him really. I'm sure he's probably moved on already to his next victim. Doesn't make it very much easier on how I feel right now as my feelings were genuine

OP posts:
Dangermouse80 · 24/06/2019 15:04

Very lucky escape.

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