Dating again at 45 - not much luck!

[Mellodenise]

Hello!
I have recently just started dating again, well in the last 5 months, since splitting from my ex partner of many years. I feel I am now ready, I met someone I liked a few weeks back, but he just wanted what felt like a ONS.

Since hitting my mid forties, I am finding dating so hard, I am on a few dating sites, but its either the hook up types on there, the ones who are on another planet or the ones who, online just disappear. Or you send someone a message online and they never reply...argh!!!

I look after myself, gym most days, train, nails, hair, dress well, friends, great job, own house, car but thinking ok it was never this hard in my thirties or late twenties thats when I met my husband and it was so much easier.

So has anyone any experience or remembers if they met their partner online or somewhere else at this age, as us girls, there are a few of us who go out and are really struggling!

Thank you everyone....

Too scared to try. Tried about 10 years ago and I mainly just got rude messages after a few polite ones.

Started OLD when I was 45 too. I don't remember getting any rude messages, but a couple started ranting about women, that sort of thing. I was delighted that you can just block or ghost those ones. And in my experience it is much easier not to answer a first message if you are not interested. I wrote back to one saying I wasn't interested and it was awkward, as he wrote back and tried to argue in favour of himself. Someone who doesn't know you and gets an unsolicited message does not have to write back - and neither do you. That's a good thing.

The first time I aranged two dates in a week, and the second one was really fun and attractive. Went out with him for a year and a half but he lived too far away - he claimed to be planning to move to my town but never did. Just generally seemed very untrustworthy, so I enjoyed the fun and then said goodbye, at which he was far too unruffled for someone who was supposedly really keen on me :D

The second time I arranged three dates in a week. Man one was a bit dodgy I think, though nice and polite - possibly a wife at home? - he got one date. Man two got a second date, but spent most of the second date discussing recipes and didn't fancy a third. Man three was much less good looking but weirdly sexy. I thought he'd be quite good for a summer :D Then we went on a weekend together and he turned out not just to be weirdly sexy but also to like loads of odd things I do and be rather lovely, as well as good fun. Been with him for 2.5 years.

I think it helped me that I was going into this looking only for fun. I don't want to move in with anyone (neither does bf, fortunately). I mainly wanted to get some interesting experiences, as I settled with my exh quite quickly, and he was my first proper relationship. As a result I went for someone who is not conventionally attractive - balding, overweight, poor teeth (grinds them), a smoker. I wouldn't have chosen him if I'd been looking for something long-term. But he's really grown on me. I have no idea if it will last - but you never know if it will last.

Have you had a look at the online dating thread on here? They’re a lovely bunch, who might be able to give you a few pointers. They helped me write my profile which definitely helped.

I met my current partner on online dating (Plenty of Fish) and I’m 44. It’s still early days (about five months), but we’re both head over heels! I think he was about the fourth actual date I went on. However, I got lots of messages from men, most of them either a single word (hi, hey, hiya or a variation of), or very obviously looking for just a hook up. I was really picky about who I would and wouldn’t date, and about which messages I would reply to. I only sent a few first messages, but never got a reply so I stopped doing that.

The guy I’m seeing messaged me about something about music that he’d read in my profile, just recommending a radio station/show he thought I might like. There was just something about his messages that made him stand out. I met him about a week later for a coffee, and that was that 😊 There are some good ones on there, but there is lots of bad to sort through too.

I’m 42 and I empathise... Been saying to friends dating was never that hard in my 20s either... (was married at 26 and divorced at 37) and it’s not you. It’s a social phenomenon. The proliferation of perceived choices in today’s society. The loss of real-life connectivity due to increased use of social media. People choosing not to settle down. There’s a lot written and discussed about it. My way of coping with it is to try and understand what’s happening in society and to understand it’s really not me... do you have kids? I’m filling my life up with lots of things to do with friends and treating dating as a sideline... if it happens, great. If it doesn’t, I have a great life anyway...