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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Life after the silent treatment

6 replies

TheLastDirewolf · 24/06/2019 09:38

Recently I had an experience with a very close friend where they stonewalled me after an argument. I think we were both in the wrong in the argument and I apologised for my part. But from them - nothing. Total non-responses - I reached out on more than one occasion and they never even replied. It was horrible and really upset me - I had no idea how they were feeling, the whole thing made me feel a little crazy and not knowing if our friendship was over or if they just needed more space literally made me lose sleep.

I recently bumped into them and they suggested we meet, which we are doing later in the week. I'm pleased, but the stonewall really hurt me. It made me feel undignified, and it hurt my sense of self to chase them. I got there in the end in terms of them talking to me but i can't help feel that I compromised myself somehow in the process.

I want to see if they'll apologise to me but because of the stonewall I feel like I have admitted wrong but they haven't and that makes me uncomfortable. I feel like we need to have a chat about the initial fight but I don't want them to stonewall me again though.

Has anyone been able to address conflict like this and things change? Do you have any advice?

OP posts:
Highandlow · 24/06/2019 10:08

Had a friend do this. She ignored all my messages. We never put it right , but you can do. A lot of the time, I feel the friendship will never be the same.

TheLastDirewolf · 24/06/2019 11:57

Are you still friends?

OP posts:
Highandlow · 01/07/2019 10:47

@TheLastDirewolf No, not friends now.

Blondebakingmumma · 01/07/2019 10:51

Depends how serious the fight was. Was is a small misunderstanding or disagreement or something more serious?

StormTreader · 01/07/2019 10:58

Honestly my expectation will be that when you meet up, they'll expect you to apologise again.

SagAloojah · 01/07/2019 12:46

OP, she will do it again and next time it will hurt even more.

Meet her, have your say, and then don't make any further overtures.

Silent treatment is abusive and bad enough in a partner, let alone a friend. They never change, it's embedded in their nature.

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