Zero sex drive

[ILoveJoeBrown]

How do I get mine back? I'm post-menopause; ex breast cancer so can't use HRT which seems to be the only way older ladies get their sex drive back? I just have zero.

I take mild anti-depressants partly to help me sleep as he snores so badly. I go to bed between 1030 and 11pm. He doesn't come to bed until anywhere between 0130 and 0430, gets up later than me M-F and 3-4 hours after me at weekends.

As a result I'm fast asleep when he comes to bed, I don't sleep if I don't take my tablets, I can't lie in + feel sexy at weekends as I'm just listening to him snoring.

We have occasional quickies in the middle of the night after he wakes me up. Must be more to life than this.

Our 3 DSs are all still with us, so no peace to do what we want really either.

Help? We are going on hols soon (just the 2 of us) and I'm expected to pack sexy undies + turn into a goddess overnight. I don't feel sexy at all. How do I fake it?

You’re EXPECTED to take sexy undies & perform??

That would send my (very healthy) libido under cover

What’s HE GOING to do?

I do think sometimes the more you havevsex the more you want it and being away from the kids might help you find yours again

He needs to start making YOU (not your pants) feel sexy and stop coming to bed hours after you

Is he trying to do anything about the snoring?

The waking you up to have sex needs to stop. You're exhausted and he avoids you until you're already asleep. That feels rather controlling.

What is he doing to make you feel special and secure outside of the bedroom OP, (No, I don't mean a quickie at the kitchen sink when you are washing the pots). He follows you to bed hours later, lies in for a few hours every morning, what does he expect from you? From reading your post there is no closeness, would it kill him to go to bed at the same time as you and just hug you close without expecting anything further. It baffles me that so many men expect sex but show no intimacy to their partner.

To answer some questions: I've recorded his snoring + played it to him. He just thinks it's funny.

He has put on loads of weight over the years + does no exercise, where I weigh more or less the same + am fit + active.

I've had lots of surgery due to breast cancer so don't look 'normal' up top any more, so don't feel esp attractive.