Effects of cohursive control

[JustmeandtheKIDS2]

My ex husband still after 3 years of separation and numerous court cases still abuses me. No one's interested and I've lost my nemerious chance of getting a restraining order. But the cohursive control regarding seeing the children is a constant battle! I'm beginning to get tangled up in it all and struggling to see what's actually the truth (as he twists everything). The over thinking, worrying and anxiety is still there and tbh I carnt see it changing.
How have others coped in this situation? It doesn't help that I don't feel the children are safe at his, but yet again it was investigated by the police and ss and they eventually re established contact. But the incident that led them to investigate had happened, I believed they failed my children. Regardless this had just made the problem worse.

Hello, I feel so let down by the law as a a mother taking her children out of an abisive relationship. Im sorry I don't have words to help but I understand what your going through

There are so many of us in the exact same situation. Can I suggest you look at joining Mothers United on Facebook?

It's just never ending with no reprocutions for him at all. I try to have minimal contact and there really should be very little issues as we have a court order regarding the children.
What kind of society do we live in where bullying and contolling someone for years is exceptable!

Coercive control is now a crime. Report to 101

It is excrutiatimg isn't it? As the children get older they will have more of a voice, and it is just damaged limitation until then I think. I do suggest you join the group I mentioned above - I found it really useful (and sad) to know that I am not alone in what I am experiencing. The court system is failing so many of us. You are not alone

HappyLone

I'm aware it's a criminal offence and it's been reported but police still not interested. Everyone's aware but no one really cares!! That's the true reality of cohursive control getting anyone to take it seriously is behind painful!
Horray
Thank you. My children are young and have already started to say they don't want to see him. My oldest child knows there's something off about him. We just tumble from one issue to another. He's rude and aggressive via text (but never threatening) he has a very twisted view of reality and I feel as if I walk on egg shells constantly. He enjoys taking me to court and then can never keep to any court order that's made. Even the most basic of communication is 100:/: disfunctional. He lies about everything and re rights history. He tells the children far too much and lies about me to them to make up for how disfunctional he is. The list goes on and on and on. I hate the drama of it all but you when up getting sucked into it all yourself! I don't know anyone in real life who is going through this, I feel very sad about my life.

Vee
I agree, there are so many separated parents who still use the child/contact to abuse the other parent. I feel invisible to society. Surely I deserve to be able to bring my children up in peace and tranquility, and my children deserve to live in a household where their main care giver isn't being abused!! As surely this has a knock on affect on my parenting my my children's over all childhood.

OP - I totally hear what you are saying. The first time my ex took me to court a 50/50 order was made with my two under 2 year old. He hadn't lived with us since the youngest was 12 weeks old and the police removed him from the house. Co parenting with your abuser is the most damaging thing I have ever experienced. I have done it for 4.5 years.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. I really wish I could offer you some amazing advice but all i can do is sympathise

I'm in a very similar situation myself. Its beyond frustrating, I'm getting divorced to get away from the abuse & yet, theres still no avoiding it. Some days I just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I just wish more was done about people like that, it's so damaging

My sympathies, OP. I've been the subject of a smear campaign through the courts for several years now with a vindictive EXH and it's so so so draining.

I can't even sleep some nights because I'm so angry about it.

Horray
You have my simpathy, 50/50 care must be horendious. Luckily mines nothing like that!! The kids live with me I have a residency order and they visit him. It's ment to be pick ups and drop offs at the school to avoid us meeting. But of course he doesn't keep to it.
I know my children will be damaged by it all and I do my best to minimise it. But of course he uses this against me. Telling the kids things such as "mummy's being mean to me, I carnt do all the driving". My son came home upset with me. I had to explain the judge had ordered he does all the driving! He's for ever crying, which puts a lot of worry and pressure on the children.

2 weeks ago he said he's thinking of not seeing them till their old enough to see him with out my influence as I'm so controlling! This week he's threatening to take me to court over something rediculous!! It's draining.