oh s**t!

[howoldamI01]

I need some outside views please, I feel up S**t creak without a paddle...

A couple of years ago I met a man, online, english but living abroad. We seemed to click immediately and after time spent together and via skype, I gradually moved my life to live with him...
I discovered not long after that he had a bad temper, nasty mouth and with alcohol a total change in personality. Also a lot of health issues, not his fault.

I stuck with him for nearly a year, after leaving once to give us both reflection space, but left him, I thought permanently, last year and returned to UK. He is a narcissist and yet lost and sad..and he talks at me not with me, forgets stuff that is really important to me, and offers very little in way of support..and yet... :/
However, he would not leave me alone, either via whatsapp or FB and gradually I spoke to him again...
Somehow I have managed to find myself in a situation where I have said I will go back to him, that we will go travelling together...

I know now I cant do this, that I dont want to, I dont want to leave here, my family and friends..
How do I tell him this.. I feel so guilty because I said I would.. Im in my mid 50's, I really should know better or be able to stand up to him, but just seem unable to..
I have written a draft of an email I am going to send to him as he just doesnt seem to listen when we talk, I cant think of another way to tell him..

What are you afraid of?

Just send the email. Or is there a reason why you can’t do this?

Send it. Keep your distance.

Just send it!

However, he would not leave me alone, either via whatsapp or FB

Why didn't you block him?

Send the email and then block him on all platforms.

You're in your 50s ffs sake. Enough of this ridiculous school girl nonsense. Send the email and then block him. Permanently.

Send it, but keep it short and sweet.

Block him on every channel possible then get on with your life.

Being in communication with him is not healthy.

I know...
I feel sorry for him, and feel bad I have made these promises I cannot keep but that he is expecting me to...

Of course, you are all right, I need/must do this..this is the power of a narcissist, nothing is ever their doing, it is you that needs to change/that is in the wrong..

Tell him you have changed your mind and that’s that, you are not going.

Feel sorry for people who deserve it, not an arsehole like this.

Feeling sorry for someone is such a waste of time. Feel sorry for yourself for being coerced into his bullshit. Feel sorry for all of your family and friends for when they have to listen to you cry when he hurts you again.

Ffs send the email.

'Sorry the trip isn't going to work for me.'

You're dumping him, his emotional well-being is no longer your problem. Send email and block him.

I know...
I feel sorry for him, and feel bad I have made these promises I cannot keep but that he is expecting me to...

He'll get over it.

Thanks all, I needed perspective without the emotion!
Appreciate all your united honest input!

I think you should edit your email, deleting anything apologetic or qualified, wishhima good life, block all avenues of communication, including directing any reply to trash, and press send. Have a glass of wine and thank God you came to your senses.
I bet it’s my brother, don’t worry about him, he will have at least 2 others bubbling under.

I feel sorry for him, and feel bad I have made these promises I cannot keep but that he is expecting me to...

And that's why you should have blocked him in the first place. Thinking that you're being kind to someone often ends up being the opposite.

the only power he has is the power you give him over you OP. BLOCK him on everything and start tomorrow a free person.

Can't understand why he wasn't blocked every which way.

Send the email. Tell him not to contact you again and block block block.