Been with my other half for nearly 11 years with two children under 5.
For years we have argued on and off about the same things over and over never resolving anything and it has lead me to feeling very unhappy in our relationship.
A year ago we had another of the same arguments again and i suggested couples counselling as i had had enough and couldnt do it anymore (not the first time we’d had that conversation). He was very reluctant because he doesnt talk about emotions and felt uncomfortable so i decided to go to counselling alone and see where it lead me.
Well over the last year I have moved on a lot, i have started to ‘find myself’ which seems corny but its true. I’ve made changes in the my work life so i am in a happier job role and i have developed in terms of dealing with issues from my past and my self confidence. I’ve also been spending more time socialising and enjoying myself with friends as the kids are getting bigger.
Our relationship has not changed despite me being unhappy with it and working quite hard on how I communicate with him better. He is not a bad person, he is kind and generous and is a good dad but i just dont love him and am not happy with him. We got together young and i think we’ve never been a very good fit we just plodded along.
Until three weeks ago when out of the blue i had a melt down at work and realised that i didnt want to stay with him anymore. So we talked that night and agreed to couples counselling. However over the next week i felt that we were in a weird state of limbo where he was pretending nothing was wrong and i realised i didnt actually want to try and resolve the relationship and felt that i had emotionally checked out a while ago.
He is now devestated and confused. He says he is madly in love with me and this is all very sudden and he doesnt understand why i cant try. He has accused me of cheating on him (as have his and my parents - just because they think im not giving an adequate reason for feeling this way) and just keeps asking why. I dont really have the answers but at the same time i had been vocal previously about being unhappy and nothing changed. It all feels a little too late to suddenly promise to try.
I feel calmer when he’s not around but whenever i see him I just dissolve because he looks so sad and it feels like i have ruined his whole life. I dont feel like i’ll ever get over this guilt but I just dont believe staying together is right for any of us. He thinks im being cold but I just dont want to give him false hope. I have never felt this awful despite knowing in my heart it is right for me.